You're Not Alone
by candi711
Summary: A voice from Amanda's past reaches out to her and causes trouble. Her secrets are revealed and her life torn apart. Who will be there for her to put it back together?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: I do not own Law and Order SVU or any of its characters.**

 **A/N: This story takes place some time after Rapist Anonymous (but she didn't run to the casino afterwards) but in an alternate reality where the events in Deadly Ambition (Kim frames Amanda) never occurred, however, American Disgrace did (Amanda goes down to Georgia). I know I'm messing with the timeline a lot but this is what Fanfiction is about right, to have fun with the already established ideas.**

It was an usually quiet Friday afternoon at the one six precinct. The team's caseload was light and they had just finished up two domestic violence cases that week. The several previous days had taken a toll on all of their energies and in the home stretch to the weekend it was starting to become apparent.

"Alright guys, I know you're all tired and deserve more rest than you'll be getting this weekend" Cragen's strong voice carried throughout the squad room, gaining his detectives' full attention "but unfortunately we still have some work to do" he explained as he held up some of his own paperwork to finish. The elder man man looked at his watch noting that it read half past twelve "however, if we get no new cases and you finish all of your DD5s before four" he smiled as he gauged his employees' faces "everyone can go home early"

"Alright Cap" Fin exclaimed excitedly, gaining a second wind at this news "If that's my motivation I can have these puppies done by three thirty" he said leaning in his chair as he rubbed his hands together in preparation to jumping into his work load.

"Wow Fin" Amanda said as she looked her partner up and down laughing at his antics "if only you put that much effort into your work everyday maybe Barba would stop complaining about all the paperwork we owe him for his court cases"

"It's all about incentives Rollins" Fin answered back "Barba has nothing to offer me, and I'm not afraid of that little man" he chuckled to himself. He always liked to jeer at his colleges, especially in the area's he knows bug them the most "as long as he gets what he needs before the trail actually begins, I see no problem"

At his words Olivia walked behind the dark skinned detective and slightly slapped the back of his head "you should treat all of your cases with respect, Fin" she chided as she retook her seat at her desk "besides, I think Barba's bite is worse than his bark" he added joining into the joke.

"Enough horse playing or no one's going home early" Cargen said from within his open office. He had heard the light banter his officers were throwing around and didn't mind it too much, however, he also knew that if he didn't keep them inline the DD5s would never be finished on time.

The SVU detectives worked diligently for hours. They all wanted to make their four o'clock deadline. None of them had been able to go home early, for a good reason at least, since the year before. It was nearing 3:20 and Amanda had just finished the last of her paperwork, instead of gloating to her still working partners she decided to take a bathroom break instead. The blonde detective had always made a point to be on top of her DD5s, unlike her older partner. She felt that she owed her team and her captain so much, especially after her addiction came to light, that she was determined to always put her best foot forward in all of her work, and she hated herself when her mistakes caused her to appear weak or immature in front of them.

"Manhattan SVU" Fin said answering the phone on his partner's desk as he noticed the young blonde's departure not more than a minute earlier "No, she actually just stepped out for a moment would you like me to put you on hold" he asked the person on the other line. He waited for their response and nodded his head in suspicion after hearing their request "alright I'll give her your message" he replied after hanging up the phone.

"We got a case?" Olivia asked not sure what to make of her long time friend's reaction to the call.

"Nah" Fin said as he sat back in his chair and picked up his pen to twirl it around his fingers "it was for Manda, someone from Atlanta wanted to talk to her, but gave me the message instead"

"Is there trouble down south?" Olivia questioned as she noticed Amanda rejoining them. The elder woman could only imagine how hard it was for Amanda to leave everything she knew behind and move to New York city. A city where she had no connections, Olivia always wondered if it was just the amazing job opportunity that drew the blonde to the big city or if she was running from something back home. Her thoughts wandered to the confession Amanda had given her about something happening on the job, that it was part of the reason she had to leave. Now the brunette wished she could have inquired about that sooner, when their working relationship wasn't as tense as it was now.

"What do mean trouble down south?" Amanda asked as she sat at her desk "did I miss something"

"Ya actually you did" Fin began to explain "you got a call from a deputy chief Patton" neither Olivia or Fin noticed the sudden shiver that ran down the blonde detective's spine or how she instantly became more tense as that man's name was spoken "he told me to give you the message he'll be coming up to visit New York in a month for a conference, and that you and him need to grab a drink for old time's sake" the elder detective said as he prepared himself to give the strange part of the message "he also said that it was useless to make any excuses because you know he doesn't take no for an answer"

This time Olivia and Fin did notice Amanda's reaction. She pursed her lips and raised her eyebrows. She tried her best to keep in her emotions. The last thing she wanted was the whole squad finding out about her stupid mistakes from her past. Amanda swallowed slightly and took her time to ensure that her voice would not falter "I can't believe he would say that" she lied with a small but forced chuckle. She knew exactly why he would say that... because he meant it.

"So it's not strange for a deputy chief to call one of his former detectives and hit her up for a drink down in Atlanta" Olivia said trying to figure out the strange vibes she was getting from the blonde before her.

"Well yes and no" Amanda tried to explain. She just wanted to end this conversation as soon as possible, just thinking about Atlanta made her want to hit the card tables, but she vowed to never do that again. She couldn't blow her second chance with Cargen, this job was all she had left "you got to remember that Atlanta was a boys club, heavy on the club part, and the brass would often go for drinks with the officers. It wasn't as formal of an operation as it is here in New York" she explained as she took a drink from the bottle water on her desk. She felt the need to wet her throat, it felt like it was closing with every word she spoke "and also Patton was like my mentor, he's the one who brought me up to detective. He likes to claim that he taught me everything I know"

"He taught you everything you know huh" Fin responded "well maybe he could say that then but not anymore. I've taught you more than my fair share" he smiled

"Oh you're so right Fin" Amanda said smirking, feeling a bit more at easy as the topic of conversation was beginning to shift "I don't know how I could ever function as a detective before you told me all about your little games" she finished poking fun at her partner's hobby

"Hey don't knock the games, girl" Fin joked back and started a new round of banter from the group. Amanda participated only ever so often enough to not gain her coworkers attention. The rest of the team finished their paperwork in light moods as they whittled their remaining time away towards their weekend. One by one they finished, Amanda had to make an excuse to refuse an invitation to their usual bar to celebrate the coming weekend. It did not take long for Amanda to be the sole remaining person in sight.

The young blonde detective looked at her watch "only 5:30" she whispered to herself. She was counting down the minutes until her GA meeting began at 8. She didn't trust herself to be able to leave the station and not head to a casino, instead she decided to wait it out there and then head straight to the meeting. She was silently rocking in her chair when she decided her exhaustion was to much to ignore. The past few days were stressful and she hasn't gotten a good night's rest in more than a fortnight. Looking at her watch one last time she decided to catch a nap in the cribs, it would help pass the time and if she was asleep she wasn't gambling.

* * *

"That should be enough for today" Cragen said as he leaned back in his chair and pinched the bridge of his nose. The captain of the SVU squad had given his team an early dismissal for their hard work, but at the same time he himself couldn't be afforded such a luxury. The cost of being the one in charge.

He stood tiredly and stretched his aching body as he gathered his things around him. He looked at his watch and realized it was almost 7, "well a late diner as always" he said thinking about the leftover spaghetti he had waiting for him at home.

He was about to walk straight to his car ready to begin the slight relief that would be his weekend, he had plans to go fishing the next day, until he noticed the personal belonging of his blonde detective still on her desk. The seasoned SVU captain looked around the room not seeing anyone in sight. The elder man knew Rollins wouldn't leave the precinct without her coat or purse so he reasoned she must still be near by. What he could not fathom was why his youngest detective would still be there long after everyone else had went home.

After a quick look around the squad room, Cragen determined that the only place Amanda could be was in the cribs. He knocked gently on the door not wanting to risk catching the young blonde in any compromising situations or invading her perceived privacy, he received no answer. The senior officer was about to knock again when he thought he heard a muffled cry from the other side. He instantly began to worry for the young woman "Rollins" he said aloud as he knocked a second time while simultaneously opening the door slowly. "Rollins are you alright?" he questioned again once the door was completely open. When he stepped into the cramped room filled with uncomfortable beds his heart dropped at what he saw.

Amanda laid on the single bunk farthest from the door. She was curled up on her side as she slept with her back pressed against the wall. She was shaking her head from side to side and the captain could see tears falling from her closed eyes. As he walked closer her mumblings became more clear "please stop... help" she said as her hand curled tighter around herself as if she was trying to unconsciously create a safe space for herself "I don't want this, just stop please" she continued to mumble as her body movements began to pick up speed.

Cragen could instantly tell that his youngest detective was in the midst of a terrible nightmare, one in which it seemed she was desperately trying to defend herself. "Rollins wake up" he tried as he placed a gentle hand on her shoulder. He knew that it wasn't the best idea to wake a person in the middle of a nightmare, but he couldn't stand to hear her begging for her invisible attacker to stop.

The moment the elder man's hand touched her she became louder in her pleas for help "No stop" she yelled "get off me... it hurts! Stop! It hurts... please somebody help" she was now screaming and the words were terrifying Cragen. He could tell right away what Amanda was living in her hellish dreamscape, and it tormented him. Her arms were now flailing around, she was physically trying to remove the demon within her head. "I won't fight... I won't run away anymore, just stop hurting me" she whimpered, her energy was failing her now.

"Rollins wake up, it's me Cragen" the captain said with a little more force to his words this time "You're safe at the precinct, no one's going to hurt you here" as he finished his last sentence one of the blonde's loose arms sung for his face. He had no time to dodge the blow. Her hand struck him firmly on his mouth, he could taste a metallic substance pooling at the corner of his lips "damn" he said out of reflex. He wasn't made at Amanda, he knew she didn't mean to hit him, but it didn't make a busted lip hurt any less. "Amanda please wake up" he tried again and this time her eyes popped open.

The look of sheer terror on his youngest detective's face caused his sorrow for her to be joined by anger. He knew someone must have hurt her bad to cause this much pain. He was angry and he want to know who he should direct his anger towards.

"Cap... captain" Amanda stuttered out through harsh breaths as she sat up in the bed. Her face was flushed and her heart was almost pounding out of her chest, she knew she looked terrible because she could feel her hair stick to her face in sweaty clumps "what are you doing here? What's going on?" she questioned, her mind still foggy from her nightmare. Her body still in fight or flight mode.

At this point Cragen was now sitting on the bunk, he was waiting for her to regain some of her senses before he would start talking to her. He could tell she was still lost in the fog, he saw how her eyes watched his hand in trepidation as he moved to place it on her leg in comfort. The elder man could see her flinch from his touch and he instantly removed it. "Rollins, you had a nightmare. I was just about to leave when I heard you calling for help" he explained and he saw the color drain from her face "What's going on Rollins, why are you here so late?" he questioned her. With the combination of her nightmare and her being there, he was worried that it wasn't safe for her to go home. He feared one of her old bookies might be bothering her "Is someone threatening you, did anyone hurt you?"

Amanda stayed silent for several moments, she couldn't look her captain in the eyes. She didn't know how to answer his questions without causing him to ask more. She didn't want to be there, she didn't want to have to talk to him and all of this was easy to read from her face. "I... um" she began as she tried to gather her thoughts "I have a GA meeting at 8... um I didn't trust myself to go home early today so I decided to stay here until I could leave for it" she explained. It was easier to tell the truth, well the truth that he already knew about. She hopped that talking about her addiction fueled reasons for still being there would make him forget about her nightmare.

Cragen regarded her answer carefully. There was no reason why he shouldn't believe her, in fact he was proud that she was still taking her program so seriously after the fiasco of her last sponsor "Rollins" he began "if you ever feel like you need to talk about your sobriety, or are in need... you know you can always come to me right" he knew what it was like to fear falling off the wagon, he knew how hard it was to call for help when you're teetering towards that edge.

"I know" Amanda whispered her answer, still unable to make eye contact.

"Did something come up to push you so far? You seemed fine earlier in the day?" Cragen inquired. He wanted to know what triggered her, he knew if he could figure out that then perhaps he could figure out the cause of her extremely vivid nightmare.

"No" a short answer, so obviously a lie.

Rollins, you can trust me" Cragen said gently this time taking her hand in his "I know what it's like, I've been where you are and it's important to recognize that you're not alone in this fight" she finally looked at him, he could see the exhaustion in her features, but most disturbingly he could still see the fear "can you try again, what happened?" he finished with a soft smile. It was at that moment Amanda finally noticed the small amount of blood trailing down her captains lip.

"Oh my God. Did I hit you?" she asked in fear

Cragen wiped the small stain away with ease "I have to say Rollins, you have a mean right hook... even in your sleep" he tried to joke to lighten his detective's mood, but it only did the opposite.

Amanda flung her legs off the bed and went to stand but her legs gave out and she landed on her knees in front of her boss "Oh my God, I'm so sorry... I didn't mean to hurt you. I would never..." she was cut off in her rant by Cragen helping her up an placing her right next to him on the bunk.

"It's no problem Rollins" he said in a carefree manner "I've had much worse, believe me" he paused again "but, it's not about me right now... what happened to cause all this"

Perhaps it was her guilt or perhaps it was the unbearable weight that had been building on top of her since she left Atalanta, but she finally decided to open up, even if it was only a little "I got a phone call from someone I never wanted to see again" she explained vaguely

"A phone call" Cragen repeated "can you tell me what about" he knew that whoever made this call was probably had a direct connected to her nightmare, to what he thought had happened to his youngest detective.

"It was my..." she paused "my old deputy chief" Cragen bit his lip so as to not interrupt Amanda, but he couldn't stop the surprise from showing on his face "he just called to tell me he would be in town sometime in the future, and that we should have drinks..." she hesitated but something inside her drove her to continue "he said his famous line... that 'he doesn't take no for an answer' and he takes that quite literally" Cragen could see the life drain from Amanda's eyes as she said this. He had no doubt, this man was the person who hurt her so bad.

"Amanda" he began, he used her first name to show that they were talking on a more personal level now "did he hurt you, is that the reason you had such a terrible nightmare..." he paused he felt sick having these words leave his mouth in regards to his young blonde detective, but he had to know "did he rape you?"

Amanda immediately looked away at his question. This was her secret, her sin. The one thing that no one was ever supposed to discover, but here she was, in her precinct after hours having that conversation with her captain of all people. "I... um... well, I" she was having a difficult time answering him "I made some mistakes in my life captain and I need to own up to them. I let things happen and I did other things to protect my family..." she was talking fast with her head down "it's my fault, I'm to blame for the decisions I've made" she paused and finally met her captain's eyes again "and it really doesn't matter now does it" she finished and he could see tears pooling at the corner of Amanda's eyes, tears that the blonde was fighting so desperately to hold back.

"No Amanda" Cragen said firmly, his anger building again. He didn't know what exactly happened but he knew that her deputy chief did wrong by her, he did rape her "you're wrong. It does matter. It matters to me and it should matter to you as well. You are not to blame, not for anything, if you said no than he was wrong no matter the circumstances" he paused to make sure she was still listening to him "if you wanted to come forward now, I will support you one hundred percent and I know the others would too"

She gave him a horrified look "No I can't"

"Okay, Amanda" Cragen said soothingly "it's your call, and I'll support you no matter what"

"I just can't... he made sure I'd have no reputation to hold onto back home even if I tried" Amanda explained "I just can't see him again, because every time we do he tries something"

"Wait" Cragen interrupted her as dread spread throughout his body "is this still happening?" she was silent "please, Amanda, tell me. Is he still finding his ways to get to you" Cragen wouldn't know what to do if he had somehow missed his own detective being assaulted under his watch.

"No... he hasn't followed me up here yet, but it's fair game when I go down south" Cragen could feel his chest tighten at her words

"So when I sent you down there to interview the woman for the Wilkins case..." he couldn't finish his question

"I tried my best to avoid him" she answered truthfully "I was lucky, but I can't be so sure the next time"

"There won't be a next time, Amanda" Cragen responded instantly "I won't let you go down there again" he said with determination

She gave him a sad smile "I can't stay away from there forever you know, I have my mama and sis down there. There are times I'll need to go back"

"Then I'll make sure you take Fin, or Liv... maybe both. But I'm not going to let that man near you again Rollins. I swear. You're not alone in this fight. You have me in your corner... just remember that kid" Cragen finished as he pulled Amanda in for a slight hug and to his surprise she did not fight him in the least but instead embraced him right back.

When they both pulled away Cragen looked at his watch "we still have an hour before your meeting" he began with a warm smile "let me take you out for a bite to eat and then I'll drive you to your group"

"you don't have to do that" Amanda answered quickly, she already owed her captain so much and she didn't want to put him out anymore than she already had

"I know, but I want to" Cragen finished as he stood and reached out his hand to her. Amanda looked at it with a trusting smile and accepted his offer.

 **A/N: So this is the first chapter of a two-shot, possible three-shot. This idea came to me when I realized that there just aren't many stories involved around any meaningful interactions between Amanda and Cragen. He really saved her but in Home Invasion, and I just wanted to expand on that :) well thanks for reading and look forward to the next chapter soon.**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: I forgot to mention last chapter that Frannie does not exist in this story and neither does Jesse.**

It had been three weeks since Amanda's break down in front of Cragen, and much to the blonde detective's relief the elder man had not so much uttered a word about the incident since. She continued to go to meeting everyday to tame the insistent urges to hit the casino due to the stress of the knowledge that Patton was coming to town. Her nights have been no better than the restless sleep she had during her nap in the cribs, and her continued exhaustion was starting to gain the attention of her coworkers. Cragen had made it clear that he would keep her old Deputy Chief away from her during his visit but she had no idea how he was going to accomplish that.

It was a cold Wednesday morning the young detective noted as she entered the precinct. Time was both moving slowly and too fast. She didn't want the weekend to come for it meant being face to face with certain elements from her past that she deeply wished remained hidden, but at the same time she just wanted to get this all over with so she could stop looking over her shoulder and return to her old life.

"Morning Rollins" Olivia greeted as Amanda entered the squad room and sat at her desk . The blonde nodded in return as she booted up her computer. The elder woman paused for a moment simply observing the younger blonde before speaking up again "is everything alright?"

Amanda looked up slowly, trying to appear nonplussed at Olivia's sudden inquiry to her well being. "I'm doing fine. Why do you ask?" she questioned in return hoping that the other woman's concern was superficial and she wouldn't delve deeper into Amanda's person life. As far the blonde was concerned Cragen knowing the truth was one person to many as it stood.

"Oh nothing" Olivia replied back trying not to have Amanda put up her walls to quickly. It was always apparent to the brunette that the young detective kept her personal life close to her chest "I just thought that you seemed tired"

Amanda laughed slightly at this. This she could answer. This she could steer in a safe direction "I wouldn't be so damn tired if Fin would hurry and return from his Jamaican vacation" she finished as she stood to get herself a cup of coffee to help her get through her day. Her partner had left for a few days to attend his son's wedding on the tropical island. He would thankfully be back by Friday, one day before the conference would begin. She didn't know how she would cope if he ended up missing the whole thing. At least she knew if she stuck by his side Patton couldn't make a move, and her partner wouldn't bug her for an explanation even if he noticed her odd behavior. He would simply remain quiet and wait for her to come to him herself. "He better bring me back a great souvenir for carrying all his dead weight in his absence" Amanda finished to dispel any lingering concern Olivia might have had for her.

"He better bring us all back something" Olivia added as she returned her attention to the stack of DD5s on her desk.

The work load was average and Amanda didn't realize how fast the time was flying, before she knew it the work day was more than halfway over. "Alright guys I feel bad for doing this but it's time for me to be heading out" Cragen said as he shut his office door behind him. Old friends of the SVU Captain had somehow managed to get front row seats behind home plate for that day's Yankee game. An opportunity a true fan like himself could not pass up. "Remember if you need anything, anything at all do not hesitate to call" he paused in his speech as he put on his jacket to head out "but please guys... don't call" he joked as he fiddled with the hat in his hand.

"No Cap of course we won't" Amaro said as he stood to say goodbye "if anyone here deserves a good time it's you"

"Ya the last time you left work early I think I was getting my diaper changed at preschool" Olivia joked at her boss's expense.

"Ha ha" Cragen said in a mocking laughter trying to feign annoyance "just don't goof off too much just because the boss is gone, remember we still have work to do"

"We'll be good" Amanda said as she leaned back on her desk "now go enjoy yourself and stop wasting time before you miss the big game" she finished trying to usher Cragen out. He was anything but diligent when it came to his job, and the young woman didn't want him to find any reason to cause him to back out of his fun.

"No I have plenty of time, we're going to grab some dinner before the game which doesn't start for several more hours" Cragen said as he was walking out of the room. With one final goodbye he was gone.

The team quickly returned back to their work. They were not about to let their boss down, less that meant he wouldn't trust them to work efficiently on their own in the future. Nearly two hours passed with nothing eventful happening, and Amanda was starting to think it would be the quietest day she's had this last month. That was until an unannounced guest decided to drop in.

"Hello, I'm looking for detective Amanda Rollins" A southern voice range out at the officer's desk whose job it was to greet incoming guests. Amanda froze the instant she heard the terrible sound that was Atlanta's Deputy Chief Patton's voice. She didn't dare to look up, she kept her eyes focused on the paper before her praying that she was having some sort of day nightmare. "Amanda" Patton's voice sounded cheerful and she knew that he had seen her. She hesitantly raised her head to see the gray haired man walk towards her.

"Chief Patton" she said with fake cheerfulness "what are you doing here?" she finished as she felt a sharp chill run down her spine as she watched him look at her as if he was a wolf and she was his next meal.

"Well I decided to take some time off before the conference this weekend and take in what the big city has to offer" Patton said as he leaned over her desk and she could tell he was trying to peer down her shirt "and who better to show me the sights then one of my former proteges"

Amanda just sat there looking at her former boss from her chair, she didn't know what to do. She was finally stirred from her stillness when Amaro and Olivia approached the pair "oh ya, Patton these are my colleges detectives Nick Amaro and Olivia Benson"

"It's a pleasure to meet ya'll" Patton said easily as he held out his hand in greeting.

"It's nice to meet you as well" Olivia said kindly as she shook the Deputy Chief's hand and Amaro soon followed her lead "so you've come to take in the sights then" Olivia asked hearing his last statement to Amanda.

"Ya I've never had the chance before and I thought what a perfect opportunity to knock an item off my bucket list and reconnect with an old friend" Patton said as he placed a hand on the young blonde detective's shoulder. It did not miss Olivia's attention when Amanda slightly cringed at the contact and quickly shook the hand off.

"So what do you say doll, want to grab lunch before we explore what I came to see" Patton said looking down at Amanda with a predatory gleam in his eye.

"Um... I don't know my Captain..." she faltered as she looked towards her boss's office. She had forgotten that he had left early and as such wasn't there to make an excuse for her "he's not here and it wouldn't feel right ditching work without his permission"

"Come on darlin" Patton said with a sweet voice "it's only like what, 2 hours before you would normally be clocking off. I think this city could last a few hours without you here and end up being just fine"

Olivia could see the thinly veiled stress emanating from the young detective. She didn't know what was going on between Amanda and her old Deputy Chief but she could tell that the young woman was uncomfortable. Olivia was about to make an excuse to give Amanda the opportunity to deny Patton's advances if she wished, but before she could Amaro spoke first.

"Come on Rollins" Amaro said helping the blonde detective from her chair "you've been stressed these last few days, why don't you have a good time catching up on all the news from back home" he stated as he handed Amanda her things "relax and let loose, we'll hold down the fort from here"

"Why look at that, it seems some people up here do know how to put on some southern hospitality" Patton said with a smile as he placed his hand on Amanda's lower back "Thank you detective Amaro, it's nice to know that someone has my detective's back while she's so far from home" he finished as he lead Amanda out of the room.

Olivia had an uneasy feeling as she watched the young woman leave. She could not shake the insistent pull on her gut that told her something was wrong, but since Amanda didn't speak up she didn't think it was her place to say anything.

Another hour had passed at the precinct and Olivia was having a hard time concentrating. Her thoughts kept on finding their way back to Amanda. The brunette arguing with herself about whether or not to send a text to the younger woman asking if everything was going alright. Before she could make up her mind the phone rang "Manhattan SVU" Amaro answered easily as he jotted down the information and hung up the phone "we got a vic in Mercy, she wants to report a sexual assault" Olivia wasn't able to respond before she noticed the unexpected return of Cragen.

"Captain?" Amaro said in surprise as he saw the older man head towards his office "What are you doing here, what about the game?"

"Well you won't believe the klutz I am" Cragen began as he opened his office door "after I payed for dinner and we were about to head to the stadium I realized I left my ticket in my desk drawer" he chuckled to himself "how's everything here"

"Going smoothly, but we just got called about a vic in Mercy, Amaro and I were about to head out right now" Olivia answered the elder man

"Sounds good then why don't..." he paused as he noticed Amanda's desk empty "hey where's Rollins?" he questioned looking at his other two detectives.

"Well her old Chief from Atalanta stopped by and wanted to grab dinner and see some sights so we thought she could head out early..." Amaro said but trailed off as he saw his Captain become visibly tense.

"You what!" Cragen yelled catching the attention of everyone in the room

"Captain, we didn't think it would matter too much if she cut off a bit early" Olivia tried to explain not knowing what to make of Cragen's reaction

"Wouldn't matter! Wouldn't matter, of course it matters you should have never let her go with that man" he was angry and his temper was only rising "in my office now" he said and waited for them to follow him "shut the door" he ordered Amaro and the detective quickly did so.

"Captain what's going on, what's the big deal" Olivia questioned with deep concern etching over her face.

"That man's dangerous, and he has an unsavory history with Rollins. She asked me to keep him away from her during the conference" Cragen explained wanting to protect Amanda's privacy as much as possible

"Why didn't she say anything" Amaro asked

"You know how she is, and besides you're both detectives. I'm sure she was sending out some signals that had to have raised red flags for you two" Cragen stated as he pulled out his cell phone to call Amanda "pick up Rollins, pick up" he said tensely as he heard the unanswered ringing through his ear. He tried again when he reached her voice mail.

"I thought something was off" Olivia admitted

"And I left her with no way out, I pushed her to go" Amaro said with huge guilt growing inside of him

After the second call Cragen dialed TARU to track her cell. As he waited for Amanda's location he asked his detectives how long she had been gone. Olivia was the one to tell him Amanda had left a little over an hour ago. TARU soon sent the SVU Captain Amanda's location.

Cragen didn't like the location TARU had given him "she's at her apartment building" he said as he shoved the phone back into his pocket "Olivia with me, Amaro go handle that call" he didn't even wait to hear any affirmative or protest, he rushed out of the precinct like a bat out of hell.

"Captain, is Amanda in danger" Olivia asked as the elder man was driving aggressively to the blonde's apartment. It was the only explanation she could think of to explain the normally calm man's rash behavior, but what kind of danger could she be in from her old Deputy Chief?

"Yes Olivia" Cragen said without looking at her, hands tightening on the wheel "she is"

 **A/N: So... this isn't going to be a two shot after all haha :) I'm looking more at three or four chapters now, I hope lol. It's hard to keep to my original length. Next chapter we'll see whats happening on Amanda's end and why Patton actually came to her. Thanks for reading.**


	3. Chapter 3

Amanda was tense as she sat next to her former Deputy Chief at a local dive bar. The elder man had directed the taxi driver that he wanted a good beer and a nice mood for his friend and him to talk things over. Ironically the taxi driver took them to a bar not more than five blocks from the younger woman's apartment. Amanda didn't even put up a fight when he pushed her into the vehicle or when he lead them to the bar counter to order their drinks. She knew this game. She didn't resist because she knew there was no point. Patton always got his way.

"Darlin, you haven't even touched your drink at all" Patton said as he placed his right hand high on Amanda's thigh. He began to gently rub his intruding hand up and down as he continued "are you feeling alright?" he asked almost sounding genuinely concerned.

The young blonde tried her best to not flinch at the contact of the older man's hand, but her body reacted on it's own and she could not help the involuntary shudder she felt at his unwanted intimate touch "I'm fine" she answered shortly to his question "can we just skip the theatrics, what do you want?" she asked straight to the point. If what she thought was coming was truly what he was after she would just rather get it over with than try and pretend their relationship was anything but an excuse for Patton to get laid.

Patton frowned at Amanda's forwardness "now if I didn't know any better I'd think you actually didn't want me here" he said trying to display his famous charm that had most of Atalanta fooled, but she was no idiot. She knew the devil beneath the man. She had the misfortune of being prisoner to its will before.

"Well I guess it's good that you know better, huh" Amanda responded with sarcasm laced in her voice, she was desperately trying to appear not afraid.

"Look here Darlin, I came here to give you fair warnin with your family's goin ons" he stopped rubbing her thigh at this and squeezed "what with you bein far from home and all"

"What do you mean my family" Amanda asked finally looking the elder man directly in his eyes, concern was building inside her "what happened to them?"

"They're safe" Patton answered with a serious face as he removed his hand from the blonde detective's thigh and placed it on top of her drink slowly pushing it towards her. Amanda got the hint and she finally took a small sip "for now of course, but that sister of yours sure likes to keep herself busy in all the wrong ways"

Amanda had to force herself to not slam her drink down on top of the bar counter. Of course it would be her sister "what did she do this time?" she asked not actually wanting to know. The longer she was in the dark the longer she could hold onto the hope that everything would turn out fine.

"Well right now in the eyes of the law..." he paused and looked her up and down "it looks like she's done nothing wrong, but it's only a matter of time before her name will start appearing on the radar again.

Amanda took a shaky breath "Kim... Kim's an adult now and it's probably time for her to start learning what that means" she swallowed and took a bigger gulp from her drink. It must have been stronger than she had first thought because Amanda's legs started to tingle.

"That's good Amanda" Patton said nodding his head as if he was happy at Amanda's decision "you can't look after her forever" mentally the blonde agreed. She didn't want to submit herself to the Deputy Chief's torture again for the sake of her ungrateful sister, no matter how much it would kill her inside "but your poor mama"

Amanda's heart dropped "my mama?" she asked as fear begin to bubble to the surface of her poorly masked facade of strength. The way he had mentioned the elder Rollins wasn't in the contexts of sympathy for her sister "leave my mama out of this" Amanda breathed dreading what Patton had up his sleeve

"I would never drag your mama into any bad situation like you're so unjustly insinuating" Patton said with mock hurt playing across his face "and in any rate I don't think this is a situation you want me to stay away from" Amanda gave him a confused look "your daddy's bookies are still looking to collect"

"What!" Amanda shouted before lowering her voice again after noticing the barkeep looking her way "after all these years, we don't know where he is and we have no connection to what he's been doing"

"Doll" Patton began his response with a term of endearment "you know that doesn't matter to those type of folk, all they care about is collecting their payment" Patton once again let his gaze travel around the curves of the young blonde detective besides him "one way or the other"

"I..." Amanda began her thoughts running a mile a minute.

Patton cut her off "You don't have to worry about a thing" he said with a smile that could fool almost any onlooker "I've made sure to increase the patrol around her home and have a squad car sit on the block when they have the need to do paperwork in the field, she's as safe as she can be" be finished easily. Amanda knew that there was a catch to his generosity, there was always a price to be payed "but..." she knew it "that's a lot of man hours going in to protect one person, and it's awfully hard to justify such an extra expense" the room was spinning now for Amanda

"What do you want me to do?" she asked in defeat, she knew what it was.

"You make it sound like I had this planned out like some cheesy villain on a soap opera" he chuckled to himself "I don't want you to do anything" he lied as he licked his lips "we're good friends right Amanda... more than friends really" he said as he placed his hand on the seam of her pants right above her crotch. Amanda visibly jumped from the unwelcome contact but did not push him away "why don't you finish the rest of your drink and we'll head back to your place to continue our little reunion" he smiled

"My drink?" Amanda asked noticing how heavy she felt, far too heavy for just one simple drink to cause "what did you do to my drink?"

"Oh nothing to be alarmed about Darlin" Patton said as he raised the glass to Amanda's lips "just wanted to help you relax this time... no worries. Besides I'll be in New York for a few days and we'll be spending a lot of time together... as more than friends" he smiled as he watched the remainder of the liquid disappear in the blonde's mouth. If this was going to happen she would rather be unconscious then mentally present for anything that was about to come.

Unfortunately for Amanda, her drink only weakened her body but left her aware of her surroundings and of what was being done to her.

* * *

Olivia looked at her captain in great concern. He had just admitted that Amanda was in danger "Why is she in danger sir, she's with the Deputy Chief of Atlanta PD..." she was cut off by Cragen's stern voice.

"Olivia you know better then that" he began "just because a person is in a well respected position doesn't mean that they're not a predator" he finished as he gave his detective a sad look and sighed. This was the last thing he'd ever wanted to happen. He failed as a Captain, as mentor, and as a friend. Cragen was mentally admonishing himself for not being able to keep the promise he'd made to Amanda. A promise to keep her safe and away from that man. He shook his head vigorously at that moment, he couldn't think like that. He could still keep her safe if only he could get to her in time.

Olivia heard her Captain's words and felt a sharp pain in her heart, her fears only increased as she watched Cragen shake the negative thoughts from his head "What did he do to her?" Olivia began. She knew that Cragen wouldn't be this worried if he didn't know what was going on, if there wasn't already some sort of pattern. She could see the hesitation in the older man's face, it was clear he was still thinking about Amanda's privacy "Sir, I need to know what we're walking into. Something's wrong it's plain to see..." she was imploring him to tell the truth, for her sake and Amanda's.

The seasoned SVU Captain sighed, he didn't want to betray the trust Amanda had placed in him. There was a chance that she was able to push Patton off and was safe in her apartment having a good reason as to why she wasn't answering her cell phone. This is what Cragen hoped was the truth "Olivia..." he began but faltered as he saw the deep concern etched on the other woman's face. He could not, in good conscience, get her worked up like that with no explanation "you can't repeat this alright... in the off chance that this was all a false alarm, please keep this information to yourself. Amanda's not ready for others to know"

"You know you can trust me Cap" Olivia responded, promising to do as the elder man bid her

"Her old boss was one of those types" Cragen began sadly as he continued to drive to Amanda's apartment in a hurried pace "who believed that they were owed certain privileges because of their position in power... he wasn't afraid to use his authority to force Rollins to... he..." he trailed off. He didn't want to say the word, the single word that was so common in his line of work. He just didn't want to use it with Amanda in mind, but Olivia had heard enough to piece it all together.

"He raped her" she said in a sad voice as they finally reached her apartment "he raped her and now he has followed her here to do it again" she finished right before they jumped out of the car. Olivia cast a determined look towards the building that she knew her young colleague was in, possibly being held prisoner at that very moment. She clutched tightly to her service weapon as they headed inside. "Just hold on Amanda we're coming" she whispered to herself.

The trip upstairs felt far too long. Olivia was barely aware of the harsh breathing coming from her Captain's mouth, it had been years since the elder man was active in the field and it was showing. When they stopped in front of Amanda's door they were met with one of her neighbors leaving. They weren't going to pay him any mind until he spoke up first "oh I wouldn't bother trying to call on her right now" he said cheekily "she seemed pretty wasted when that guy brought her home a while ago... seemed like he had some plans" he finished as he waggled his eyebrows.

"A guy?... An older man with grey hair?" Olivia asked quickly "wait did you say she was wasted?'

"Yep on both counts, although I never took her for that sort of woman, she could hardly support her own weight" he finished as he continued to walk down the hall chuckling to himself.

The urgency increased ten fold for the pair of SVU officers "Amanda!" Cargen yelled as he banged on the door "Amanda open this door right now!" he continued to yell while slamming his fists against the hard wood of the barrier between himself and his young detective. At that moment they thought they heard a grunt of pain and a door slam from within the apartment.

"She probably can't get up" Olivia commented in a rush "back up, I'm going to break it" she said as she took a step back and prepared to knock down the door. Right before she could land a kick the door unlocked and opened to reveal a barely clothed Patton. He was slightly hunched over holding his family jewels through his boxers as if he was in pain.

"What the hell's your problem" Patton yelled as the two officers pushed their way past him

"Where is she!" Cragen demanded as Olivia rushed to the bedroom. Her heart broke as she realized that the bed was destroyed with the pillows all on the floor and the comforter thrown around as if a wrestling match was played on top of it. She saw the cloths Amanda was wearing earlier that day thrown around the room, and she had to physically restrain herself to not shoot the man that instance. But what bothered her the most was the fact that Amanda was nowhere to be seen.

"She's in the bathroom of course" Patton said smoothly as he started to stand up straighter. Olivia rushed to the bathroom door and tried to open it only to find it locked "now what in gods good name is going on here, why did you almost break down that door"

"Why!? You attacked my detective" Cragen yelled getting in Patton's face.

"Attacked?" Patton sounded surprised and angry, not at all intimidated by the situation he was in. Cargen hated his smug demeanor "I didn't attack her. Did we sleep together yes" Cragen balled his fists as he tried not to punch the man before him, or better yet kill him "but nothing we did was wrong. We had consensual sexual relations, we're both adults and she's no longer my employee, is it ethically wrong... you could argue that, but nothing that happened is illegal" he finished as he began to pull his pants on over his boxers

"I'd like to hear that from my own detective" Cragen responded giving the gray haired man a death stare.

Olivia was still outside the bathroom door trying to get Amanda to open it "Amanda please let me in, it's me Olivia" she pleaded but didn't get a response. She waited another moment "if you don't answer me in the next ten seconds I'm forcing this door open" she waited but still nothing.

With one swift kick the door broke open and Olivia cried out at what she saw. "Amanda, oh my God!" she exclaimed as she ran to the blonde woman who was laying curled up on the floor near the toilet. She wasn't moving and her eyes were squeezed shut "Amanda... Amanda" Olivia tried as she gently placed her hands on the blonde. It only took a instant for Olivia to notice that her hands were handcuffed together in the front and the only clothing she had on to speak of was her torn shirt that hung open and was scrunched down around her bent elbows.

"Captain, call a bus"

 **A/N: so ya, this story will be longer than I initially thought lol, but not near as long as my other multi chapter stories, we are more than halfway done here :) Thanks for reading.**


	4. Chapter 4

Olivia wasted no time in jumping into the ambulance with Amanda. She was determined to not let the younger woman out of her sight, at least until she arrived at the hospital and the doctors and nurses refused to allow her to follow the her unconscious colleague.

Cragen stayed behind with Patton, as much as it pained him to do so. He had to wait for unis to arrive to take the despicable man to the station for holding and questioning. The Deputy Chief of Atlanta continued to claim his innocence, much to the ire of the SVU Captain. He had seen the state that Amanda was in when they arrived, there was no way he could ever believe that the blonde wanted to be in that position, even if he didn't know about their past. It took far too long, in Cragen's opinion, for the backup to arrive. The elder man was nearly bouncing on his feet when they finally took custody of Patton, he high tailed it to the hospital the moment he was free.

"Olivia" Cragen called as he nearly trotted in the hallway of the crowded hospital to meet her. This was the second time that day the brunette had seen her Captain running, a sight she would have found humorous in any other situation,but unfortunately this wan't any other situation. On of their own had been violently attacked "please tell me she's okay" he finished as he came before the younger woman.

Olivia stood to meet her Captain as she shook her head in remorse "no, cap" she said with sad eyes. The brunette glanced behind her towards the direction she knew Amanda would be "they haven't said anything yet", Cragen nodded his head disappointedly and sat down on one of the old and worn chairs in the hospital waiting area. He put his head in his hands, and Olivia could instantly tell that he felt responsible for everything that had happened "Sir, you can't blame yourself"

"How can't I" he said without lifting his head. His gaze was unfocused and tormented "I knew it, I knew what he did to her in the past. She told me he wanted to meet with her during the conference and I said I would protect her" he sounded so broken "but what was I doing instead... I was going to a fucking ball game" Olivia flinched at her Captain's harsh words, Cragen was not the type to resort to simple profanity when situations became intense or stressful. This was out of his character and it frightened her.

"You couldn't have predicted this, he came a few days early. There was no warning" Olivia offered in an attempt to assuage his guilt.

"But there was" Cragen answered back quickly "he's a predator Liv, I should have been prepared for this, especially with Fin away for the week. I left her vulnerable. I left her at his mercy and he raped her" he rasped out. The words almost physically hurt him to say "he raped her again and it happened on my watch. How can she ever look at me again?"

"This isn't all on you Captain" Olivia said sternly "I should have trusted my gut. I had a feeling that Patton was bad news but I ignored it"

"You didn't know about anything" Cragen said as he finally lifted his head from his hands

"And you didn't know he would come early" Olivia repeated her point from earlier "we could go on forever in a circular argument bringing guilt onto ourselves but the truth is we'll never be satisfied because nothing we can do will ever change the fact that she was hurt. But we weren't the ones who hurt her and feeling sorry for ourselves will not help her or our case against Patton" she finished with determination. She decided that she couldn't dwell on the past, she couldn't let guilt eat away at herself, not when Amanda was counting on them so much.

"You're right" Cragen said in agreement "we can't focus on the way we feel right now, that's not what matters. We have to be strong for Amanda. We need to throw the book at that bastard" At that moment Cragen saw a doctor coming straight for them "how is she doc?" he asked in concern.

"Detective Rollins is in stable condition" the doctor began feeling the strong emotions emanating from the two SVU officers. He wanted to start off with simple and easy information before he delved into the crux of her case "she was drugged so she wasn't coherent when she was brought to us. She had lacerations around both wrists and contusions on her hips, thighs, and back..." the doctor stated as he regarded the two individuals before him. He could practically see the anger and hurt radiating off of them in waves "and we found bite marks on her neck, breast, and inner thigh. We're going to have to wait for permission to do a rape kit" he finished

"Can we see her" Cragen asked quickly. He needed to see Amanda with his own two eyes. He needed to make sure that she knew they were there for her, that she was not alone.

The doctor shook his head slowly "Unfortunately Detective Rollins is still asleep" he began to explain "we gave her some medicine to counteract the drug she was given, but the whole ordeal has left her both physically and mentally exhausted. I cannot allow you to speak with her for at least several hours, she needs her rest"

"Can at least one of us stay with her until she awakens" Olivia offered "so she won't be alone when she opens her eyes again"

The doctor thought for a few moments on this before nodding "I can allow one of you to wait with her, but no more than that until I can check her again when she's conscious" he finished before he left the two SVU officers alone to deal with other business.

"You stay with her Liv" Cragen said as soon as the doctor left.

"But sir..." Olivia began. In truth she did want to be the one to be there for Amanda when she woke up. She felt that she could relate to her more with her past experience with Lewis. Yes, she wasn't raped, but she was assaulted and she could understand better than her Captain the thoughts going through her head.

"No Olivia" Cragen interrupted her "it needs to be you" he explained "I'm too emotional right now and I can't bear to see her like that without anything to offer. I need to bring Patton's head on a silver platter..." he looked down in shame before meeting Olivia's eyes once again, a certain fire playing in his own "I'm going back to the station to help Amaro interrogate the bastard" he placed a gentle hand on Olivia's shoulder "but please, call me when she wakes up... let her know that we're here for her. Let her know that this isn't her fault and that all she has to do is ask and I'll be here, or anywhere she wants me to be"

"I will" Olivia answered simply before she watched her Captain walk out of the hospital. The brunette then quickly made her way to Amanda's room. She took a chair to the blonde's right and sat down to begin her silent vigil over the sleeping woman. It hurt Olivia to see how small and vulnerable Amanda looked laying in that hospital bed, she didn't even want to think about the demons she must be fighting in her sleep that very moment.

* * *

"Captain" Amaro's voice greeted the senior SVU officer as he entered the squad room "how's Amanda" he asked. He knew that she was taken to the hospital but he didn't have many more details than that, besides Patton being the one who had attacked her. They didn't have the time to fill him in completely.

"She's..." he began but waited until they were both in his office to continue. He knew that the whole one six would find out about this, but he wanted to wait for that to happen for as long as possible "she's resting right now. Liv is with her and will call the moment she wake up"

"What happened?" Amaro questioned. He needed to know what he was dealing with both as a detective and as a friend.

"Amanda was attacked by Patton" he began, Amaro already knew this part but he didn't know the extent "we found her in her apartment... she was practically naked and handcuffed. He raped her" he finished. There was no sugar coating this. There was only the cold hard truth.

"Damn" Amaro seethed. His face contorted in anger and guilt. He started to squeeze his fists and wrist to maintain control over his emotions, a coping mechanism that he had learned years ago, but in this regard it was hardly helping.

"Don't Amaro" Cragen chided "don't blame yourself, and don't let your anger take control" he said as he took a step closer to the younger man "I need you at your best today, Amanda needs you at your best. If you want to take out your anger on him do it in the interrogation room, do it the legal way"

"Yes Sir" Amaro said quickly raining himself in, the two then swiftly made their way to the room Patton was being held in.

"Aw finally" Patton said as they walked through the door "I can't believe you run such a loose ship Captain, someone should have come to clear this thing up a long time ago" he complained

"You're in no position to question how things are done here" Amaro responded in barely contained contempt "seeing how it's okay in Atlanta to just rape your detectives and think you can get away with it"

Patton laughed at Amaro's words causing both the latin detective and Cragen to become even more annoyed "you think I raped her? That's ridiculous, yes we slept together but it was completely consensual. She wanted it. She begged for more" he finished with a large smirk on his face.

"She wanted it?" Cragen repeated "So you're telling me that she wanted to be drugged, to have her wrists cut by handcuffs?... To end up in the hospital?" he said as he became louder and leaned over the interrogation table.

"If she had drugs in her system she did it to herself, and she asked to be tied up. That's a little kink of hers. She's no blushing virgin. Ya'll might not like to hear this but she had a reputation back home as the office slut. It's no secret now that we had our fair share of tangles on the bed. It's why she came up here to get away from the comments. She wanted to move past the glass ceiling back in Georgia" Patton said easily, not at all intimidated by the situation he was in nor the angry officers before him.

"She wanted to get away from the rumors you spread or did she want to get away from you?" Amaro said with venom.

"There's really no point in talking to you folks is there, I'm already guilty in you're eyes" Patton concluded as he sat back in his seat and ran his tongue along the inside of his mouth "but you have to know Amanda doesn't have the best past, and I will bring witnesses against her and who would testify to her behavior down in Atlanta. Also her history of addiction doesn't help her much. I even know that she slept with her sponsor" he smiled at the look on Amaro's face, the sheer disgust and contempt. Patton loved it because it showed that he was getting under their skin and in their heads "that's a pattern she has isn't it? She sleeps with men that have authority over her. Now tell me Captain, have you slept with her yet?" he chuckled at the look Cragen gave him "oh, believe me you do not know what you're missing..."

"Shut your mouth you son of a bitch" Amaro yelled in defense of both Cragen and Amanda as he threw his chair in anger and took a step towards Patton.

"Amaro!" Cragen yelled before his detective could move any further

"Yes, Amaro" Patton repeated in a condescending tone "you don't want to do anything that could jeopardize your already shaky case"

"You're a fool if you think we have a shaky case against you" Cragen said with a stern voice looking down upon the Deputy Chief.

"And you're a fool if you think Amanda would ever testify against me" Patton fired right back at them "You've known her for what, three years? She worked under me for six, I know how her mind..." he paused and smirked "and body works, all of her intimate details. She won't say a word against me, she knows better than that"

"That may have been how things happened down south" Cragen said as he gave a confident stare "but you're in the big city now, and Amanda isn't under your thumb anymore"

"Well I guess only time will tell" Patton said as he returned the stare "but until then, I want my lawyer" and with that Cragen and Amaro left the room to wait for the arrival of his attorney.

* * *

"Alright Captain" Olivia spoke into her phone. Cragen had called his detective the moment he stepped out of the interrogation room. He gave Olivia the information that Patton had given them, how he planned to muddy Amanda's name in his defense and that he believed she wouldn't even speak against him. Cragen didn't have to tell Olivia how important it was to get Amanda's statement, she knew that her cooperation was the key to the whole case "thanks for the heads up, I'll keep you posted on things over here" she said before the call was ended.

Not long after the conversation with her Captain, Olivia noticed the blonde beginning to stir in her bed. "Amanda" she said softly not wanting to startle her as she was waking up "Amanda, it's okay. You're in the hospital" she clarified as she saw the younger woman's eyes fly open in confusion, her breathing coming in short rapid breaths.

"Liv..." Amanda said in a harsh breath "how did you... why are you here?" she questioned as she turned her head to face the older woman.

"You don't remember?" Olivia asked, afraid that Amanda may have had an unnoticed head injury.

"I... I... oh, no..." Amanda panted as memories came flooding back to her. She quickly closed her eyes to stop any tears from falling and turned her head away so Olivia couldn't see her face.

"Hey... hey" Olivia said gently as she placed her hand on the distraught woman's arm "Amanda, sweetie don't. Don't try to keep it all in, you're safe here and I won't judge you for crying"

Amanda ignored her and kept her face turned away. It takes several seconds before she speaks again "get the doctor please, I need to leave, I want to go home"

Olivia's face showed great concern at Amanda's sudden desire to leave. She knew that the blonde just wanted to run from this whole situation, to pretend that everything was okay. It's what she wanted to do after Lewis. "Amanda" she began softly "you know you can't do that right now, we need to get your statement"

"I don't have a statement... nothing... nothing happened" Amanda almost choked on that last word. She was determined to keep herself together in front of Olivia, a woman that, despite her earlier attempts, wasn't her friend. Amanda still admired the other woman she was still her idol, and for that reason she would not; no, she could not break down in front of her.

"You honestly can't think I would buy that Amanda" Olivia began "I saw your apartment, I saw how you were in your bathroom" Amanda physically flinched at that statement "I know that something happened to you"

"Then ask Patton" Amanda said as she quickly glanced in Olivia's direction. The elder woman couldn't help but notice the turmoil raging behind the younger woman's eyes before she quickly cast her glance away again "people only care about what he has to say anyway, his truth is the only one that matters"

 **A/N: Wow this weekend was a busy one... it took longer for this chapter to come out than I expected :) thanks so much for reading.**


	5. Chapter 5

Olivia stood silent over Amanda. The blonde's words had shocked the older woman to her core. For her to believe that only Patton's version of the truth mattered was an affront to everything Olivia had worked her whole life for, to work to give victims their chance to be heard to be believed. To think that Olivia would not take her side of the story seriously pained the brunette more than she would ever let Amanda know, but she didn't blame Amanda she wasn't mad at her. Olivia didn't know the whole story of her past, but she knew she had been raped by Patton before, and from what she could gather Olivia also knew that it was all swept under the rug.

For nearly five minutes they stayed in that room, silent without eye contact. Amanda wouldn't even dare to turn her head towards the brunette, and Olivia was waiting, gathering up her energy to try and reach the blonde. Amanda had always been a closed off person, one who was adamant of taking care of herself, and Olivia knew from experience that this would be a tough uphill battle; however, she herself wasn't going to let this case slide. She was going to help Amanda get justice, whether the blonde wanted it or not.

The suffocating silence was finally broken with a knock at the door. Two sets of eyes watched as Amanda's doctor entered the room "I see you're awake miss Rollins" the doctor said with a smile "now I just want to do a quick check to see how your vitals are, if everything checks out then you can talk to detective Benson" he stated as he cast his glance to the other woman in the room. Olivia remembered the doctor telling her that she could only interview Amanda after he gave her the all clear medical wise.

The few tests and questions took less time than Amanda would have hoped, for as soon as the doctor left she knew she would be left at Olivia's mercy to question and prod. "Well you seem to be recovering nicely" the doctor began as he recorded her results on the tablet in his hand "I have no problem releasing you soon"

"Thank God" Amanda said in relief at the doctor's words. She hated hospitals and would probably have walked out by now if Olivia wasn't in the room "I can't wait to leave" Amanda added as she made a movement to get off the bed.

"Whoa hold up" the doctor said as he saw her attempted escape "you know that the discharge process can still take a few hours, and I am going to use that time to continue to monitor you. I'm only starting it now because I am aware of how eager you are to leave"

"Why do you say that?" Amanda questioned, she didn't remember telling this doctor such information. She wondered if her Captain or Olivia had warned him what a difficult patient she could be.

"I remember the last time you were here, you had a bullet wound to your shoulder" he recalled with a slight smirk "I wasn't your doctor, but I remember how you paced the halls asking... well actually demanding to be released" he chuckled slightly at the memory "we actually use your situation to teach newer staff on how to treat... uh uncooperative patients"

Olivia hid her humor of the doctor's words well. That sounded just like Amanda to demand to leave, well actually she was doing that at the moment. Olivia's merth died the moment the doctor left the room, and her focus returned to her colleagues unfortunate situation.

The brunette's eyes softened as she looked once again at the young detective before her "Amanda" Olivia began momentarily gaining the attention of the blonde's blue eyes before she looked down at the bed sheets "you matter okay" Olivia said as she sat down on the bed next to Amanda "your story matters and you can't let Patton pressure you into silence. We will believe you Amanda, we will help you tell your story" she grabbed Amanda's hand in her own "we have your back, and will stand by your side the whole way"

"I don't need your help, Liv. I don't need anything right now" Amanda said as she pulled her hand away and clasped it with her other one "just let me go home and move on"

Olivia was silent for a moment before she spoke again "if nothing happened Amanda, then what do you have to move on from?" Amanda gave no answer, instead she bit her lip and Olivia feared she would draw blood "I understand, Amanda" she began with a sad look in her eyes "I know what it's like to be afraid of what everyone will think of you, to see the sympathy in their eyes. To fear that they couldn't trust you in the field because you couldn't protect yourself. When Lewis took me, it was hard to get back on my feet again, but I did it because everyone was there for me. So, let us be here for you now. Let us help you process this all"

"You don't understand, Liv" Amanda fired back quickly "your situation was completely different, Lewis kidnapped you, held you hostage, he tortured you..."

Olivia cut her off "and what do you think Patton did to you?" she asked and the sudden question took Amanda by surprise "I know you didn't want to handcuffed like that... to be raped" Olivia saw how Amanda visibly flinched at her statement.

"I... I can't" Amanda choked out "I can't do any of this"

"Yes you can" Olivia countered "You're stronger than this, you're stronger than him"

Amanda let out a painful chuckle that was mixed with a sob "you're wrong, Liv. You have no idea who I am, the type of person I am. I let this happen."

"What do you mean?" Olivia questioned, not comprehending Amanda's statement.

"I led him to my apartment. I didn't fight him. I let him handcuff me... rip off my clothes" Amanda gave a small shrug with an embarrassed expression "I knew what he was going to do from the beginning and I just let him do it"

"Amanda..." Olivia tried but was stopped by the blonde detective's hand raising in the air to cut her off

"I can't go against him, Liv. I gave in and that's all the defense he needs" she finished with a resigned look on her face. Olivia took in her defeated appearance, this was not the spunky southerner she knew. The vibrant detective that would fight tooth and nail for their victims, even at the cost of her own safety, seemed to be completely lost in the shroud of the terrified woman before her.

That was when a thought occurred to Olivia. Terrified. Amanda looked afraid, and this emotion wasn't unexpected for this situation, but Olivia couldn't help but to focus on the fear in Amanda's eyes. She was afraid of Patton. "You're afraid of him" Olivia iterated her thoughts aloud, and by Amanda's reaction she knew she was right.

Amanda didn't look at the elder woman. She didn't want to speak anymore. The silence was deafening though, and before long she couldn't take it anymore "I'm not afraid of him, okay" she answered "I'm just..." she stopped. She couldn't actually think of an answer to tell her colleague.

"Then what does he have on you?" Olivia asked knowing that something was holding the usually feisty blonde back "because the Amanda Rollins I know wouldn't take this lying down. She wouldn't let anyone use her as their personal toy" Amanda didn't answer, but this time she didn't look away either. Olivia took the liberty to guess "is it gambling? Is he holding that over your head?" Amanda shook her head no. Olivia was relieved that she was at least getting some sort of response, and at the same time this reinforced her suspicion that Patton did have something on Amanda. Olivia continued to guess, but every suggestion was shot down.

"It's not any of those" Amanda finally gave in.

"Then what is it?" Olivia asked "I promise we can help"

"You can't okay, you just can't" Amanda said while she tried her best to contain her emotions "it's my family. He's blackmailing me with my family" she relented with a shuddered breath.

"Your family" Olivia repeated, taking the time to process this latest revelation "how is he using your family against you?"

"My sister..." she trailed off as she swallowed the lump that was forming in her throat "and it's not even the first time.." she froze. She didn't mean to say that. She didn't want to give Olivia any more information than she needed to.

"How did he use her" Olivia urged, seemingly unfazed by that last statement. She didn't want Amanda to shut down, she feared that if the blonde stopped talking she wouldn't be able to get her going again.

"Jail time"Amanda answered with a shrug, she knew that Olivia was aware of her sister's troubled past "she's been messing up again, this time crossing paths with the law, things that couldn't or shouldn't be ignored"

"I know you care deeply for her, but you're sister's an adult, Amanda" Olivia began but she was cut off by the blonde

"I know that, and I told him that I wouldn't cover for her again. He said that was a wise decision" she scoffed "and then he brought up my mom" Amanda paused "you see... gambling is a family trait... my dad had it bad. Patton told me that some of his bookies have been seen around my ma's house looking to collect anyway they can" a scornful look crossed Amanda's face "I mean, I haven't seen him since I was a kid, and we still have to clean up after that bastard..." she bit her lip again and tilted her head back as she took a deep breath "well anyway, Patton said he would help protect her... for a price. A price I just paid I guess... although he mentioned it involving his whole time in New York"

"Amanda" Olivia whispered, sympathy clearly showing in her eyes "you can't let him do that, he can't get away with this"

"Him?" Amanda regained eye contact "you're not disappointed that I basically turned myself into a prostitute? That's what the defense would say. I offered service and he offered payment, but I don't want that sort of reputation, even if it is true"

"It's not" Olivia said quickly with force "you were coerced into sex, and it looked like you changed your mind halfway through or else there wouldn't have been as much bruising as there is" she said as she indicated the bandages on Amanda's wrists "and don't worry about your mom, we can protect her"

"How?" Amanda interrupted "she's in a different state altogether"

"The threat to her may not have been even real in the first place" Olivia offered "let us look into this before you decide what to do"

Amanda was stunned by Olivia's suggestion. She was thrown so off balance by Patton's very presence that she never even considered he could have been lying about the whole situation. "It's just my family..." Amanda's face suddenly paled as a thought occurred to her "my family..." she repeated with a whisper.

Olivia watched as Amanda's demeanor completely changed. Her breathing coming through now as short and ragged breathes. She was having a panic attack. "Amanda, what's going on?" Olivia asked in concern over the sudden change "Amanda, slow down you're going to make yourself pass out" Olivia tried as she placed her hands on Amanda's shoulders "honey, breath with me okay... in and out, in and out" she said as she got Amanda to follow her instructions. They sat there breathing together for several minutes until Olivia was finally able to asked Amanda what had happened.

"Oh my God" Amanda sobbed, still fighting to control her breathing "oh my God..."

"Amanda, please. What's wrong?" Olivia asked again

"I'm not... I'm not on the pill right now... and he... he didn't..." she tried to explain but her panic didn't allow her to speak clearly.

"He didn't use a condom" Olivia finished for her and Amanda nodded her head with a sob.

"He... he came inside me" Amanda said with embarrassment and fear in her face "oh my God, Liv. I can't get pregnant, not with his child. It would just be my luck. I can't handle that"

"Amanda it's alright" Olivia said placing her hands on the younger woman once again "there are many options for this, I'll make sure they give you the emergency contraception after the rape kit, and if that fails we'll cross those bridges when we get there"

"Rape kit?" Amanda froze "no"

"Amanda, please you need to..." Olivia was cut off

"No I need to go home and take a shower. That's all I need to do" Amanda said adamantly. Olivia's face fell, all the progress she thought she had made with Amanda suddenly disappeared.

"We need to gather evidence" Olivia implored "just in case you change your mind about this down the road"

"I already told you I'm not interested in pressing charges... ever" Amanda said sternly. She attempted to get up but Olivia stood in her way.

"Where are you going?" she asked

"I'm going to take a shower right now, that way you can't pressure me into a rape kit" Amanda clarified as she pushed past the older woman and headed towards the bathroom.

"Amanda wait!" Olivia shouted, the younger woman stopped but did not turn around "wait please at least until I call Cragen and tell him you're up" Olivia offered in hopes of stalling

"I need to get him off me, Liv" Amanda said as she turned to look at the older woman "I need to get him out of me"

"I know" Olivia said with a sad and sympathetic voice. She remembered how much she needed to get the stench and feeling of Lewis off of her after her abduction, and she wasn't even aped "but please wait until you talk to him. He's worried sick about you. The guilt of all this is eating him up, and if you do this before he has the opportunity to speak with you... I think it would kill him" Olivia said, stating her true beliefs.

Amanda sighed but then relents "fine, but you better call him fast because I can't... no I won't wait for long" Olivia nodded as she reached for her phone "but it won't change anything"

 **A/N: the story (although much longer than I originally intended) is almost over, probably two more chapters. It's taking me longer to write these chapters because my motivation is dying, I think it's just my depression that Summer is coming to an end and I have to go back to school soon. Well thanks for reading :) I hope you guys are enjoying this story.**


	6. Chapter 6

Cragen sat in his office, frustrated and exhausted. It had been a long night and the seasoned SVU Captain was at the end of his rope. He was angry, no he was downright murderous at the thought of what happened to Amanda. His heart was breaking for his young detective, but at the same time he was fearful that this case may not go in her favor. In his experience cases like these were always difficult and Paton didn't miss the opportunity to state that fact several times as they interviewed him with his lawyer present.

Paton had made his defense very clear. He claimed that Amanda wanted everything he did to her and it took all of his and Amaro's willpower to not attack him right then. Paton made it no secret that he would drag Rollins through the mud. What bothered Cragen most, however, was Paton's claim that Amanda wouldn't even take the stand against him, that his detective knew her place and would back up his side of the story.

Normally Cragen would have scoffed at the idea that any of his detectives would back away from a challenge to bring down a rapist, especially Amanda, but after he witnessed her nightmare revolving around her previous rape by Paton and her subsequent demeanor after the fact, Cragen couldn't be so sure. The pure terror he saw in her eyes still worried him.

"No" Cragen said aloud to himself "she had no one there for her last time, but now she has me... she has the team" he leaned back in his chair and looked out the window to the squad room, to the empty chairs of Amanda and Olivia and he felt the guilt inside him grow even more "God if only I was there to stop it"

The Captain looked blankly out of his window for several minutes, wrestling with his depressing thought and contemplating Amanda's position in all of this. The last time this happened she ran from everything she knew to get away, he feared that she would try to do the same again.

The sudden ringing of his phone brought Cragen's attention back to the present. He quickly looked at the device and realized it was Olivia calling him "Liv, is she awake?" he asked the moment he answered the cell. He was desperate to know how his blonde detective was faring.

"Yes sir, she's awake" Olivia replied back in an even tone, managing to hide her worry regarding Amanda's intended action. She had stepped out into the hallway to talk to her Captain but wanted to make the call quick not trusting Amanda to keep her promise and stay out of the shower "but you should get down here as soon as possible" she finished shortly.

"Is everything alright?" he asked fearing for Amanda. There was a moment of silence on the other line and Cragen's heart dropped "Liv?"

"She's going to be alright physically" Olivia finally answered "in fact the doctor said that he'd release her tonight..." she paused and took a breath "but Amanda wants nothing to do with the case. She doesn't want to have a rape kit or press charges. She wants to take a shower but I have convinced her to wait until she at least speaks with you first, but hurry sir I don't know how long she'll wait"

"I'll be there soon" Cragen said hurriedly as he rushed out of his office.

* * *

Amanda paced the room as she waited for their Captain to arrive. Her skin was itching and burning. She wanted nothing else but to lay under the harsh spray of the shower at it's highest temperature. She wanted to rub her skin raw in order to remove all traces of that vile man. Just like last time. Unlike last time, however, she was being barred from cleansing herself from Paton's touch. She made a promise to talk to Cragen before she did anything. Part of her didn't know why she made such a deal, she wasn't interested in pressing charges, she just wanted to move on. The other part of her wanted his help, wanted her team's help, but she didn't know how to ask for it. She was raised in an environment where self reliance was the only means to survival.

Amanda continued to pace as she waited, she would completely ignore Olivia every time the other woman tried to start a conversation. At that moment, Amanda was only focused on not having an emotional break down. The blonde's injuries were beginning to prove to be too painful for her continued quick movements so she unhappily sat down on the bed once again. It did not escape her notice that Olivia wasted no time in quietly placing herself between Amanda and the restroom that hid the shower in side. "So you don't trust me either" she whispered to herself as she stared at her feet with poorly hidden pain. Amanda agreed to wait for their Captain but if he didn't arrive soon she feared that she would break her promise.

"Excuse me?" Olivia asked the blonde not hearing exactly what she had said. Before Amanda had a chance to reply or ignore the older woman, there was a knock at the door. A moment later Cragen had walked into the room, the guilt and pain he was feeling nearly exceeding Amanda's own.

"Sir" Olivia said as she regarded the seasoned SVU officer, but he didn't respond. Instead Cragen slowly made his way to Amanda and sat next to her on the bed. Olivia realizing that this was going to be a conversation mostly between the two sat on the chair by the corner of the room. She would be there if she was needed, but wanted to give them space.

Amanda and Cragen sat side by side for several moments without speaking, neither one wanting to be the one to make the first move. The awkward silence continued until Amanda couldn't take it anymore "aren't you going to yell at me?" she asked almost in a harsh tone causing both Olivia and Cragen to be surprised.

"Yell at you?" Cragen repeated in disbelief "why in the world would I ever yell at you Amanda, you've done nothing wrong"

"Yes I have" she answered back quickly, a pained look passing across her face "I let him do it... again"

"You didn't let him do anything, Amanda, he raped you. He's in the wrong. I would never yell at you for something like that"

"You don't understand" she said as she cast him a guilty look "I agreed to sleep with him, that's why it isn't rape, I made a deal, I'm a slut a whore..." Olivia cut her off before she could continue.

"That's not true Amanda" she said quickly not letting the younger woman talk down on herself. Cragen and Amanda's eyes fell on her as she continued "explain to him what you told me" and Amanda did. She told Cragen everything about the blackmail and the threats against her family.

"Amanda you're not a whore" Cragen said as soon as his detective was finished "all you are is a woman who loves her family and would do anything to protect them, Paton took advantage of you and that's still rape. We can and will get him for it"

"No" she whispered as a solitary tear rolled down her face. Amanda quickly wiped it away "no" she repeated louder as she looked down to her fidgeting hands. She couldn't stand to look at Cragen anymore. The sympathy and guilt in his eyes was killing her, making her feel more guilty herself "I'm not pressing charges, I'm not doing a rape kit. All I'm going to do is take a shower and move on with my life"

"Just like last time" Cragen stated in an even voice and Amanda nodded "but look where that got you Rollins. He raped you again, and I know this type of predator. If we don't stop him now he'll keep on coming after you"

"But you'll just protect me again right" Amanda said with a slight bitterness to her tone, but she instantly regretted it as she saw her Captain's face fall.

"I know I fail you Amanda I'm so..." Cragen began but was cut off by the blonde detective

"God no, I'm sorry sir" Amanda quickly apologized. The pain on the older man's face was still very visible and it only killed Amanda more "God I didn't mean it" she placed her right hand over her face to hide her shame and emotions "I wish you never found out about Paton... it would have been easier. I could have just pretended nothing happened this time either and continued on with my life, but instead I'm just causing everyone pain"

"Amanda no!" Cragen yelled with anger in his voice. He was mad at her for wishing she was alone in all of this "you have to stop thinking that you're just a burden on us, we care about you. When you're in pain so are we" he stopped to take a breath and softened his tone when he saw that he frightened Amanda, and that was the last thing he wanted to do "you can't let Paton walk around thinking that he owns you, you're no one's slave"

"I'm sorry" Amanda whispered back as she cast him a sidewards glance. Her face crestfallen as she tried to keep her eyes from shedding anymore tears "I don't think I can face him, I just can't"

"Yes you can Amanda" Cragen said as he grabbed her hand and waited for her to look at him "you are one of the strongest women I know and that's saying something" he chuckled slightly as he cast a smile towards Olivia "there is nothing that you can't do" Amanda still shook her head.

"Paton's a predator Amanda" Olivia said noticing that Cragen had hit a wall with the blonde, she was close but not there yet "if he did this to you... more than once, then he has probably done this before to other woman"

"Than why can't they come forward" Amanda answered quickly but immediately regretted her words. She was an SVU detective and was refusing to put a dangerous rapist away "I don't deserve this job" she said disheartened "I'm such a hypocrite to ask victims to be brave and take on their rapist while I don't have the courage to take on my own. I can't work in SVU anymore"

"No Amanda, you are not a hypocrite" Cragen said firmly "and I will not let you leave this job, you belong here with us. It's Paton who's a hypocrite. He's the one who's hiding behind his authority and raping woman. He has to be stopped or all of the good any SVU squad in New York or Atlanta has done will be ruined by that man"

Amanda nodded silently. They were right. It wasn't just about her but about all victims. "Okay, I'll do it" She said as she took a deep breath and wiped more tears from her eyes "I'll do the rape kit and press charges"

Cragen smiled at her "I'm so proud of you" he said as he squeezed her hand "let me go find a doctor" he finished as he got up to leave the room.

"I'm proud of you too, Amanda" Olivia said once Cragen left "you really are stronger than you think"

Amanda bit her lip "I'm so scared, Liv, I don't know how I'm going to do this" she admitted out loud.

"It's alright to be afraid" Olivia answered back "I was terrified when I had my rape kit and when I faced Lewis in trial, but I would have been much more afraid if he would have stayed on the streets"

Amanda nodded her head and looked away shyly "Liv, can I ask you something?"

"Anything" she answered

"Can you stay with me during the examination? I just... I don't want do it alone" Amanda asked with a faint blush on her cheeks, she felt like a child afraid of the boogeyman who hides in the dark.

"Of course Amanda, I'll stay with you for as long as you want, I promise I wont leave your side until you tell me to" Olivia replied with a smile, happy that Amanda was finally reaching out for help.

* * *

The next morning Cragen returned to his office tired but relieved that Amanda was going through with the case. He knew it would be a hard battle, the defense was preparing a strong counter attack to their evidence, but he was confident in his team's ability to bring forth the truth.

The first thing the SVU Captain did when he stepped into his office was call Fin and update him on Amanda's situation. In the hustle and bustle of yesterday no one had informed the seasoned SVU detective that his partner was even assaulted, and just as Cragen predicted he did not take it well. Fin said he would leave back for Manhattan that day and would personally shoot the bastard that hurt Amanda. Cragen only ended the conversation when he ensured that Fin wouldn't do anything rash when he returned home or else he would have an NYPD escort to keep on eye on him until the trial was over.

Out of emotional and physical exhaustion Cragen sat down heavily in his chair, but he was only able to relax for a second before his desk phone rang "Captain Cragen Manhattan SVU" he answered automatically.

"Captain, I'm just going to get to the point" a female voice said over the other line "I'm aware that you have arrested Atlanta city's Deputy Chief Charles Paton for the Rape of a former Atlanta city detective and current NYPD detective Amanda Rollins"

Surprise shot through Cragen like a hot bolt. He knew this wasn't going to stay hidden for long but what shocked him was that Amanda's name was known. There were procedures to keep rape victims names from being released to the public or other out side entities. He became angry at this for it meant that there must be a leak in the NYPD. "How do you know this? Who are you?" he asked frustratedly

There was silence on the other line for several seconds before the woman finally answered "I'm a detective from Atlanta... but more importantly I'm also one of Paton's past victims" she finished surprising Cragen even more.

"Excuse me?" he was able to say over his shock

"Paton has raped more woman down here and I just sent you an email containing evidence that may help your case against him" she said and after a moment Cragen had found his bearings enough to open his email and retrieve the file that was sent to him. It was a short audio recording of Paton talking with several other male voices. The Deputy Chief was bragging about how he was going to have sex with a hot former employee. One of the other voices joked that a woman like that would never agree to sleeping with him and Paton answered that she had no choice in the matter, and that she knew he didn't take no for an answer.

"Where did you get this?" he asked the woman over the phone

"He said it in the break room, that man really is untouchable here and has no shame in bragging about what he does" the woman answered in disgust "I just hope you guys can nail him"

"It would really help if you and the other women he has hurt could testify" Cragen stated hoping that this woman would be willing to do more than just hand over a secret audio tape.

"That won't be so easy" she said sadly "even if you have him up there, he still has a lot of pull down here, you're going to be hard pressed to find anyone willing"

"What about you" Cragen asked "will you testify" silence. He was afraid that the other woman was going to hang up "at least give me your name so I can call for any further questions. You have my word that no one from Atlanta will know who you are" there was another long pause before an answer came, swift and short before the phone line went dead.

Detective Reese Taymor, Atlanta SVU

 **A/N: So sorry for the long delay in updating but it's getting hectic over here. I'm going to Mexico next week before school begins and I've been getting ready for it. Well here's the latest chapter, the next one should be the last :) Oh and you're probably reading this on my birthday, well if You're reading this on the 8th** **anyway. It's my present to you all :) thanks for reading.**


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: I am so sorry for this delay, I just returned from a week long stay in Mexico and then had Jury duty yesterday and work today haha :) I am so tired but I wanted to post this before school began this week, but it's up now so enjoy :)**

Amanda wasn't released from the hospital until the early morning, even with the doctor starting the process early it still took several hours longer than the young blonde detective would have wished. "Thanks for... uh being in there with me" Amanda said with a slight blush as she walked with Olivia to her car in the uncomfortable scrubs the hospital had given her due to the fact she came in wearing practically nothing. .

"No, thank you Amanda for allowing me to help you. I know how hard it is to ask for help in these sort of situations" Olivia said as she opened the passenger side door for Amanda. The young blonde detective stayed quiet and simply sat down, she remained silent as Olivia started the car and pulled out of the parking lot "so do you want to grab something to eat or drink maybe?" the elder woman asked as she cast a glance at her tired companion.

Amanda released a sigh and shook her head "no, please just take me home" she replied with a small voice her gaze never leaving the car window.

"Amanda, you can't go home" the brunette responded quickly with a look of sympathy for the younger woman "your apartment is still being processed by CSU... and besides are you sure you want to go back?" she finished as she remembered how difficult it was for her to return to her old place after being attacked by Lewis.

"I have to Liv" Amanda said as she finally pulled her eyes from the passing scenery of the street to look at the elder woman "I have no where else to go" she explained with a pained expression "my place is rent controlled and... and because of my addiction, my... debt, I can't afford to move" she finished as she cast her gaze to her squeezed hands in her lap. She felt stupid for falling so deep in the hole in the first place, if only she could have controlled her urges sooner she would not have to be stuck in such a shabby apartment, she wouldn't be forced to think about returning to a place where that man had been.

Olivia gave a slight nod in understanding as she fought to keep the pity from her eyes, she knew Amanda didn't need that right now; in fact she was pretty sure the blonde would resent it. "Just take me to the station, hopefully we have warm water today so I can finally shower" Amanda stated with a resigned voice. She was in desperate need for a shower and hoped that the precinct's water heater was working at the moment as it had been unreliable this last month.

"Amanda, you do have another place to go, and I'm not talking about the station" Olivia said as she came to a red light and turned her upper body to face the younger woman "I'm taking you to my house so you can rest, and you're more than welcome to come stay with me if you need... even after your apartment is released by CSU"

The southern detective was surprised by this offer, she knew that she wasn't Olivia's favorite person in the world especially since she was brought in after the departure of her long time partner. Amanda believed because of that they would never have a close relationship "no Liv, I can't" she answered as soon as she regained her bearings "I've been such a burden to you already, I can't impose on you anymore then I already am"

"You're no burden Amanda" Olivia said strongly as she had to return to driving once the light turned green "you have to stop thinking of yourself in such a way. We care about you... I care about you and it would be so much more of a burden on me knowing that you're suffering in your apartment, having flashbacks or panic attacks, then having you come stay with me". Amanda didn't know what to say, she didn't even know if she could physically speak at that moment. She felt as if all of her emotions from her attack and the time after were crashing back onto her. Out of self preservation, Amanda cast her head towards the window again as she squeezed her arms closer around herself to contain her silent sobs. After a few moment's Olivia spoke up again "I'm sorry" she said quietly "I didn't mean to put you on the spot like that, but for now you can come to my place to clean up and rest" and with that the pair remained silent for the remainder of the car ride.

The next two hour passed in a blur. Amanda walked with Olivia to her apartment and quickly jumped in the shower and stayed there for nearly fifty minutes. Olivia didn't blame Amanda for being in there for so long or for using up all of the hot water, but she did become concerned. The elder woman was just about to knock on the door to the restroom when the young detective had finally exited. Having nothing to wear and not wanting to have Amanda put on the scrubs again, Olivia gave her the smallest set of sweatpants and sweatshirt she owned, but even at this the smaller woman seemed to swim in them.

Amanda remained distant, she sat on the couch in the living room and curled up into a ball. Olivia had tried offering the younger woman her bed to rest but she refused the very idea of sleep. "Amanda?" Olivia called the blonde woman but received no response. The elder woman was beginning to become concerned as the team's youngest detective hadn't moved in a while, she simply stared blankly at the empty t.v screen before her. "Honey, please" Olivia tried again as she gently reached down to tap the other woman on the shoulder. This simple action caused the startled blonde to jump and cover her face from an imaginary blow "Amanda, it's just me, Olivia, I'm sorry I didn't mean to scare you"

"No Liv" Amanda replied after regaining her composure "I'm... I'm sorry, I shouldn't have reacted like... I'm just tired"

"You can lay down..." Olivia offered but was cut off by Amanda shaking her head no "okay then... why don't you let me take your statement right now so we can get that out of the way" she offered.

"I'm um..." Amanda was about to decline, but thought better of it. She really did want to get this all over with "okay" she replied and watched as Olivia grabbed her cell phone to start the recording. Amanda's gaze stayed on the small device for almost a minute. She didn't want her voice to be captured revealing all the things Paton had done to her. She knew that Olivia would never let it get out, it was just for the purpose of capturing all of the details, but that didn't stop her fears.

"Amanda?" Olivia questioned as she caught the younger woman staring at her phone "I promise I'll be the only one who will listen to this"

"I know Liv. This is just... it's not easy" Amanda stated honestly

Olivia nodded her head in understanding "just take your time, we're in no rush here"

Amanda swallowed and began her story. She described how they went to the bar and how Paton had threatened to use her family's safety against her. She had to look away in embarrassment as she described how Paton touched her in the bar, in full view of the other patrons and how she did nothing to stop him. The young blonde explained how she knew her drink was drugged and that she let him make her finish it. She knew it would put her at a disadvantage but expressed how she hoped it would knock her out... it didn't and she was unfortunately very conscious of everything he was doing to her, but just powerless to stop him.

Amanda moved her story along to how he dragged her to her apartment and the moment the door shut behind them Paton was tearing at her cloths. It all happened so fast. She was on top of her bed with only her torn shirt on in less than a minute. Amanda explained that even though she had given up, she couldn't stop her body from trying to fight him off with the little strength she had left. Angry at her, Paton had placed her own handcuffs on to retrain her hands over her head, he the pushed the torn shirt down to her elbows as he used his mouth to ravage her body. Amanda's eyes became vacant and Olivia could tell that she was having a flashback "Amanda" Olivia called gently "Amanda come back here, it's over" she tried but the young blonde was still lost to the world "sweetie" she added and gently placed a hand on the younger woman's side.

"No stop" Amanda screamed and Olivia retracted her hand "stop it, please" she cried out again as her vision began to clear up. Olivia waited patiently as Amanda returned to her senses. "I'm sorry" she whispered in exhaustion.

"It's alright, Amanda, you have nothing to feel bad about here, nothing at all" Olivia said gently "do you want to take a break?"

Amanda shook her head no. All she wanted to do was finish this, and she feared if she stopped now she would never be able to continue. Amanda pushed on with the horrible details of her assault. The way Paton had used his mouth and hands to violate her so roughly to get her ready for him, and then how he pushed it inside of her, his 'little man' as he liked to call it. She expressed her utter disgust at how he didn't even bother to pull out when he reached his peak. She was only glad that it was over... or so she thought. After a few breaths he began assaulting her again, against her cries. It was at that moment, she explained, that she heard their banging at her door. It had startled Paton enough to loosen his hold on her. Amanda used that opportunity to knee the Deputy Chief in his appendage he had just used to break her. This gave her the chance to stumble into the restroom and lock the door behind her. She finished her story by recounting how she had heard Olivia break down her door before she passed out.

Olivia turned off the recorder after Amanda had finished recounting the events of her attack "you did very good Amanda, with this I think we can put him away" she offered lightly

"You know that's not true" Amanda responded cynically "it's never that easy"

"I know" Olivia acknowledged "but you have everyone fighting for you, we'll get him" Amanda nodded in response but the elder woman could tell that she didn't believe her words. After several moments Olivia spoke up again "how about I make you lunch and then I can transpose your statement so I can get it back to the station"

"You don't need to make me lunch, I'm not hungry" Amanda answered as she turned her head to face the off t.v screen again.

"You haven't eaten anything since yesterday, honey, I know it's hard but you have to try" Olivia said kindly "I'll make you something easy to swallow" and with that Olivia set about her task. She turned on the television so at least Amanda could be staring at something and hopefully pull herself out of her mind.

Olivia was happy to see that Amanda at least attempted to eat the food before her, this small relief caused her to be able to focus better on her work and finish her transcription of Amanda's depiction of her assault. "I'll be right back Amanda" Olivia said as she grabbed her jacket and was about to head down to the station to drop off the finished statement. The sooner the guys had this information, the sooner they could formally charge Paton for raping Amanda "are you sure you're going to be alright for a few minutes" she didn't want Amanda to be alone but she didn't want to risk having her run into Paton if he was at the precinct either.

"I'll be fine Liv, I can handle this at least" Amanda responded with a small smile. She was struggling with the desire to just be left alone but also with the fear in what that would entail. Paton was powerful, even this far from home, and as long as he wasn't in police custody Amanda was afraid of him.

* * *

Olivia rushed to the station, she felt no sympathy for the cars she cut off to do so. Her only plan was to give Amanda's statement to Cragen, check on any progress of the case and then quickly return home to Amanda.

"Olivia" Cragen's voice rang out over the squad room as Olivia entered "how is she doing" he asked softer as his detective came to his side.

"She's doing as well as can be expected, sir" she answered honestly "it was um..." she sighed "there was some rough spots when getting her statement, but she pulled through it. I think she still hasn't processed it fully, the fact that she's been raped... again"

Cragen nodded sadly as he grabbed the folder containing the information about Amanda's assault from Olivia "with this and the rape kit finished I think we can formally charge Paton for rape now, he's in there talking with his lawyer again" he said as he jerked his head towards the interrogation room the Deputy Chief was waiting in.

"I hope he drops dead of a heart attack" Olivia said as she accidentally voiced her thoughts

"It would be better for all of us if he did" Cragen responded, surprising his detective "then Amanda wouldn't have to recount her rape in open court and I wouldn't have to be afraid ofFin killing the bastard himself"

"Fin?" Olivia questioned "so I take it he didn't respond well to hearing his partner had been raped"

"That's an understatement" Cragen huffed out "and it's going to be even worse because there was no available flights back until tomorrow morning, he won't be back until midday tomorrow. This is really killing him"

"It's killing all of us" Olivia added. She sighed and looked around the bustling squad room and then returned her gaze to her captain "even after all my years here as an SVU detective, I can never understand how a person could just assault another like this... how they could get pleasure from it, but him..." she shook her head "another cop doing this, and a Deputy Chief of all things... he's destroying everything we stand for, he became everything we fight against. For him to be so blatant about it... I doubt there's a single good cop left in Atlanta"

"Well there are still good ones there" Cragen responded and Olivia gave him a questioning look "I got a call this morning form a detective in Atlanta, she had heard what happened and explained that she was also one of Paton's victims, that he has done this before and continues to do it"

"Will she testify against him?" Olivia asked hopefully. If another person could come forward against Paton it would only strengthen their case.

Cragen gently shook his head "right now I'm not sure, but she did email me a voice recording of Paton talking about how he would sleep with Amanda and that she didn't have a choice in the matter"

"That's great" Olivia quickly responded, happy that their case was becoming stronger, but disgusted to think that everything was planned by him from the beginning, and to have the audacity to brag. Olivia thought she couldn't hate a person more. Her slight hope was dampened as she couldn't help but see the apprehension in her Captain's eyes "but what's wrong?"

"Paton has made it clear that he has many respectable people who will testify for his character and against Amanda's. Not to mention he said he was going to dredge up her past demon's, gambling included"

"So it's going to be a hard trial" Olivia observed

"And messy, especially for Amanda, I'm going to make it mandatory for her to seek counseling" Cragen said and he instantly recognized the thoughts forming in the younger woman's mind

"She's going to hate that" Olivia responded and Cragen nodded his head

"I would rather her hate me then to continue to struggle without help. I don't want this holding her back. She is more than just what that man has done to her" he finished as he was called by one of the uniformed officers "for now, I'm trusting you to take care of her Olivia"

"I will, you don't even have to ask" she finished before the elder man walked away to deal will the other business his position forces him to work on.

Olivia was just about to leave the precinct when her phone started to ring. Her heart dropped as she saw that it was Amanda "Amanda? Are you alright?" she answered quickly as she increased her pace to her car fearing that the younger woman needed her.

"I'm... um I'm okay" Amanda answered "but um... I have some good news..." Amanda trailed and chuckled a little. A chuckle that held no mirth in it, but instead conveyed a bittern relief.

"Alright... what is it?" Olivia asked with trepidation, from Amanda's voice she couldn't tell if it was good news or not.

"I'm... um... I'm not pregnant" the blonde woman said slowly over the phone as she implied that her monthly cycle had began

Olivia didn't expect to hear this news but it did make her feel relieved that the young woman wouldn't have to face the difficult decisions that come with an unwanted pregnancy, especially one that came about through rape "I'm glad Amanda" Olivia said honestly "do you need me to pick up some tampons"

"Yes please" Amanda answered back with embarrassment.

Olivia quickly went to the corner store to pick up the items. Once she returned she gave them to the blonde and began to prepare the guest room for Amanda. It was only nine at night but it appeared that the younger woman's fatigue doubled since Olivia had been away. Even if Amanda didn't want to admit it, sleep was calling her name.

 **A/N: I know I said that this would be the last chapter but I decided to add one more so I could flesh out some details some more... better a longer story with a better ending than a hurried one haha. Thanks for reading, and being so patient in my slow updating :)**


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N: Maybe a bit stronger language than usual... but nothing too bad :)**

Olivia was having a restless night. She couldn't help but jump at every sound made in the apartment for fear that it was Amanda in need of her help. Even when she was able to close her eyes she tossed and turned seeing the young blonde still in her bathroom naked and broken on the floor, or even worse she would see the actual rape occurring before her but she was powerless to stop it.

A sudden cry in the night had Olivia jumping out of bed. The brunette paused to determine if it was a genuine cry or if it was just another exhaustion induced delusion. A muffled sob alerted the seasoned SVU detective that it was in fact real and she rushed to Amanda's room, "Amanda?" she questioned as she knocked at the door "are you okay?" no response. Olivia became even more concerned at the silence and slowly pushed the door open "I'm coming in alright". The elder woman's heart dropped at the sight before her. Amanda was sitting up in bed with her knees tucked up to her chest and her arms wrapped tightly around them. The young blonde didn't even notice Olivia enter the room because she had her head pressed hard into her wrapped legs.

"Amanda, it's alright" Olivia said as she made her way to the bedside and softly sat down. She didn't want to touch the cowering blonde in fear that she could trigger another flashback, if she wasn't already having one at that moment. At the shift in the weight on the bed Amanda peered up ever so slightly.

"I'm sorry Liv" Amanda said in a small voice "I didn't mean to wake you up" she added as she lifted her head up more and used her right hand to wipe some stray tears from her eyes. She turned her head to try and hide this action hoping that the elder woman wouldn't notice "it was nothing".

"I can see that you're frightened Amanda" Olivia said as she scooted closer to the younger woman on the bed "that tells me that this wasn't nothing" she finished with a soft look that told her companion that she knew the truth.

"It was... it was just a nightmare" Amanda finally answered not being able to bear the sympathetic stare she was getting from her coworker "it's nothing worth waking you up for"

"That's not true, if you're scared you could have woken me up at any time" Olivia offered afraid that Amanda may have been up for awhile trying to deal with this by herself "do you want to tell me what your nightmare was about?" she questioned. Olivia knew from experience that talking about them after the fact, especially to someone you could trust, made them feel more distant. It helped to ground you to the present and away from that fear induced hell.

"It was nothing too big, actually it would just sound stupid" Amanda said with a flippant wave of her hand

"No you're wrong, your fear is not stupid. Please just let me help" Olivia almost pleaded. She hated how Amanda tried to keep everything in because she didn't want to bother others, it made trying to reach her so difficult.

"I was... my dream was not even about my r... my assault" Amanda quickly fixed the last word. She didn't want to say such a thing as rape in regards to herself.

Olivia nodded slowly "okay, then what was it about, because something obviously bothered you enough to upset you like this" she finished gently as she waved at their current situation with her hand.

"I had a dream about the trial" Amanda finally admitted "every one from the precinct was there, and they heard mine and Patton's account of... what he did" she said as she looked Olivia in the eyes for the first time that night "and..." she took a breath as she fought more tears from falling "and no one believed me. They called me a slut and a whore. That I asked for it all. Patton was laughing and the case was dismissed. The worse part was that Cragen didn't even want me at the one six anymore and I had to return to Atlanta and work under Paton again" Amanda finished as she turned her head away unable to keep the tears at bay any longer.

"Oh honey, that's not how it's going to be" Olivia said as she gently grabbed Amanda's hand with her own and squeezed softly conveying her unwavering support for the blonde. "They are going to believe you and I can promise you, with absolute certainty, that Cragen would never let you return to Atlanta to work with Paton, even if the case was dropped"

A deep sigh was heard from the younger woman as she turned her head to look at Olivia again "how did you do it Liv?" she asked honestly "how were you able to take the stand against Lewis and tell everyone what he did to you, even when it was he himself that asked you all of those horrible questions"

"Honestly Amanda" Olivia said with a sigh of her own "it was the hardest thing I've ever had to do in my entire life" she stated with a shrug at knowing this was not the answer that Amanda wanted "there's no trick to it, or any way to make it easier. I just had to focus on the fact that it was the right thing to do, that if I let him get away then he would do this again to someone else"

"You mean how I let Paton get away the first time and he probably hurt more woman because if it" Amanda said dejectedly

"No, that's not what I meant and you know it" Olivia said with slight frustration but hid it well. She had to get Amanda out of her current mindset of self hatred "look, Amanda, you know that this process is hard and I can't lie to you about that but it's not impossible. You have the whole squad behind you to give you support, and don't think for one second that you're not strong enough to deal with this. You are strong Amanda, you have the courage it takes to do this. I've seen it as I've worked with you everyday. I've seen you take on New York's worst without flinching. You can do this, you are strong enough, even if you can't see that for yourself right now" Olivia finished her rant as she pushed herself closer to the blonde before her as if to help drive in the point.

Amanda looked away slyly for a moment before turning to look at the older woman again "thanks Liv, sometimes I just get caught up in my own fears that I think I just need someone to beat the sense back into me" she finished with a slight smile

"I didn't mean to beat you" Olivia said in concern. She was glad that it helped Amanda but not happy that she may have came off as insensitive

"You didn't, you just helped realize that I want to go back to the me before all of this" she said with a shrug "the me that loves my job and what we do"

"Well I'm glad then" Olivia said with a smile "but it's still late, how about we try to get a few more hours of sleep in before tomorrow?" she asked as she looked at the bedside clock and realized it was only 2 am "and this time please, Amanda, come and get me if you need anything, or else I might end up sleeping in here next time... deal?"

Amanda gave a small but tentative smirk "deal"

* * *

Early that next morning Barba walked into his office with what felt like the weight of the world on his shoulders. He knew what had happened to Amanda, he had found out the day before with a surprise visit from the Captain of SVU himself. The moment the Cuban ADA saw the seasoned SVU veteran he knew bad news was coming, he just didn't expect it to be this bad.

Barba had struggled over what to do ever since he learned of Amanda's rape. He wanted to call her to let her know that he was sorry for what had happened, but he didn't know exactly how to express it. He didn't want to risk saying the wrong thing. So instead he made a silent promise to make sure that Paton wouldn't walk away from this, that he would pay for what he did to Amanda.

"Sir, your 8:15 appointment is here" Barba was drawn out of his thoughts by his secretary's voice

"Very well, I'll be out in a few moments" he replied simply. He looked at his watch and wished it could be lunch time soon. He had made plans to talk with Paton and his lawyer before his arraignment, it seemed Paton wished to try and make a deal before having to take the stand in his own defense.

"I promise I won't let him off scotch free" he said to himself, but wished the sentiment could be sent to Rollins, he fixed his tie and readied himself for the day ahead.

* * *

To say Fin was agitated was an understatement. The moment he touched down in New York he rushed to his partner's side. He even urged the cab driver to go faster, to do whatever it took to get him to Olivia's apartment as quick as possible. At first the driver scoffed, but when he saw the wad of cash Fin offered him to do so, the cabbie became serious and promised to get him there in under ten minutes.

True to his word Fin was stepping out of the yellow vehicle and running up the steps to Olivia's building within 9 minutes. The dark skinned man finally stopped rushing the moment he was outside of her door. He took a second to take in a deep breath to steady himself, he didn't want to stress his partner out anymore than she already was.

He slowly knocked on the hardwood frame. Fin waited nervously for what felt like hours as the door slowly swung open "Fin?" Olivia's surprised voice rang out. In all his haste he had forgotten to call ahead "you're back already" she finished as she cast a glance behind her into the apartment.

'shit' Fin said in his head. He didn't even think that he could be disturbing Amanda at some crucial time in her healing. All he thought about since hearing the news was being by her side "yeah, I came straight over from the airport" Fin said with a shrug "I guess I should have called first... I can come back again if it's a bad time" he hoped this wasn't the case. He desperately needed to see Amanda with his own eyes, he needed to see that she was alright.

"No, come on in" Olivia said with a small smile as she opened the door wider to allow the other detective to enter her home "we weren't doing anything in particular" he followed her inside and showed no change in demeanor as his eyes finally fell upon his blonde partner. Fin had noticed that she was acting strange for the last few weeks, he had even brought it up to her in passing before; but now he could see the result of her stress. Amanda had become visibly thinner to him in the last month and her hair wasn't the shiny blonde he had come to love but a more dull color that didn't catch the light.

"Hey Fin" Amanda offered in greeting from the couch, as if trying to ignore the elephant in the room. She felt guilty. Amanda had completely forgotten about her partner in this whole ordeal. She felt that she should have been the one to tell him what had happened to her, but she didn't want to face that reality just yet "I was just about to watch 'Dance Moms', did you want to join?" she offered knowing that her partner hated her reality shows.

Fin wasted no time in accepting the offer and sat next to her on the couch. They sat in silence just staring at the screen for several minutes until Olivia's voice drew their attention away "Hey guys, I'm going to the store for groceries I'll be back in an hour or so" the elder woman said as she was heading towards the door. In all honesty she hadn't planned on going shopping that day, but thought it best to leave the two partners alone so they could discuss things privately if they needed to.

"Amanda" Fin began not long after Olivia had left, he was grateful for the time alone "what... I'm mean how..." he was stumbling now on how to go about talking to her. He let out a deep sigh "are you alright?"

The evident pain on the older man's face only cause the guilt to grow even more within Amanda "Fin, I'm okay really... well as okay as can be expected... um how much do you know?"

"I know everything, I think" Fin said with a shake of his head "I made Cap tell me over the phone, I couldn't stand not having the full story. I'm sorry baby girl, I probably should have waited until you told me yourself but I just couldn't" he explained with a frown "but why didn't you tell me about Paton before I took off, he was threatening you. I would have never left your side..." he was cut off by Amanda.

"But that's why I didn't tell you, Fin" she said with a small shrug and a head shake "it was your son's wedding, you needed to be there. Besides if things had gone to plan you would have been back from your trip before the conference began. I was still not going to tell you even then, but I knew that you would have had my back"

"Of course, Manda. You can always count on me, but I just can't help but feel I failed you. I should have picked up on your behavior sooner. I could tell something was off" Fin finished as he bit his lip

"I'm sorry Fin, I..." Amanda didn't finish her thought

"No, don't be sorry. Don't be sorry for anything. The only one who should be feeling any guilt or... or pain is that bastard" Fin said with venom "just say the word Manda and I'll make him disappear, just give me an okay and I promise he will never hurt you or anyone ever again" he said firmly and with hate in his eyes.

Amanda knew instantly that he was not joking and part of her feared what he would do, but the other half of her truly appreciated his loyalty "no Fin, I would rather live with knowing he was still free and breathing then with you behind bars and him gone"

Fin sighed again and leaned back into the couch "what do you want me to do then, anything at all. I just want you to be... happy and safe"

Amanda thought hard for several moments. What did she want. She wanted Paton to be out of her life, but if she said that she couldn't be sure that Fin would not take things too far. In the end she wanted to just return to before, to before Paton was in her life, before she had a gambling problem, to when she had a bright future in the force and she felt that every victim deserved their justice, even if they were wronged by someone powerful. "Just do what you're doing" she finally answered him "just be here and treat me like me, not like a victim"

"I could never see you as a victim Manda" Fin gave a light hearted chuckle as he nodded his head "not when I know you can kick my ass if I even think about stealing from your secret stash of candy hidden in your desk"

Amanda laughed as well at this. She remembered when she hip bumped her partner away from her desk when he tried to grab a few pieces one late shift "damn right, don't touch my snickers"

The pair slipped into a comfortable silence as they returned their attention back to the t.v screen, or at least pretended to. They stayed that way until Olivia returned with groceries and lunch for them all.

* * *

The time had finally come for Barba to have his meeting with Paton and his lawyer Buchanan. They met in an empty restaurant so as to keep prying eyes and ears far away from what would be a high profile case if it ever made it to court.

"I hope you have something good to say or else this would have been a huge waste of time" Barba started off as he took his seat at the overly large table. He made sure to project a nonchalant posture so as to not give any advantage to Paton's side.

"We are here to clear the air" Buchanan said just as easily in response "I would hate to have to make the city of New York waste its money on bringing forth a case that would so surely lose" he finished smugly

Barba looked unbothered by his statement and gave a slight nod "well this was a waste then" he said as he attempted to leave

"Don't you even want to hear what we have?" the overly round defense attorney said at the Cuban prosecutor's movements. He knew the game and so did Barba, push and pull until they can find some common ground... if possible

"Well then just get on with it, we both have busy schedules" Barba responded. He was curious to learn what they thought was so valuable

"I think you'll be very interested to see these" Paton said as spoke up for the first time "these come from Atlanta and here in New York" he finished as he handed Barba a file that contained many pictures of Amanda. Some had her in a casino and other's had her in compromising positions with at least three men, nothing risque but not innocent either. One of the men he recognized as Nate, her former GA sponsor. "You might recognize one of those gents there, but the others... that one is her former Captain, the one that got her sent up here in the first place, and that last one..." he trailed off as he gave a large smirk "he's a known bookie and my sources have it that after a night around town, if you know what I mean," he wiggled his eyebrows a bit "her gambling debt disappeared. I guess she wanted to leave Atlanta with a zero sum in debt before she racked it up here"

"As you can see detective Rollins has a history of sleeping with men with power over her. It's her M.O, and it's clear that she has no qualm about selling sex to them to get what she wants" Buchanan stated matter of factly "just as she was doing a few nights ago with my client, trading sex for favors"

"As you know things are never so simple" Barba said as he reached into his pocket and produced the audio recording from Atlanta. He played it and saw the color drain from Paton's face "with this I can prove that Paton had intended to sleep with detective Rollins the entire time, even bragging that he had no problem using force to subdue her if necessary" he easily explained. Barba hoped that his opponent wouldn't ask if that was even credible in court, for as at that time the judge was still deciding. There was an issue with the chain of evidence. "This along with her rape kit and two expert testimonies from detective Benson and Captain Cragen after witnessing the after results of the rape... not to mention a personal account of another detective of yours from Atlanta claiming sexual misconduct, I would have to say you're in for a fight" Barba had been able to reach detective Reese and convince her to testify against Paton. It was difficult but in the end she felt guilty for knowing about his intentions for Amanda but not doing anything to prevent it.

"Your right" Buchanan said as he leaned back into his chair "it would be a fight for both of us" he emphasized the 'us' as he rubbed his chin slowly and leaned into Paton to whisper and then pulled away "how about we take sexual misconduct in the first degree, Paton wouldn't do any time but be on the sex offenders registry... after he puts in his papers"

"To protect his retirement" Barba said aloud "but not good enough, rape two and twelve months jail time" Barba fired back. Buchanan quickly whispered to Paton again.

"Rape two, three months house arrest and life time registry" the defense attorney renegotiated before he took a much needed drink of water from the glass before him

"Six months house arrest with five years probation" Barba added to Buchanan's counter offer.

The defense attorney looked to Paton and the gray haired man gave a slight and resentful nod "very well Barba, you have a deal"

Barba quickly called Rollins once the meeting was over. He had to make sure that she was okay with this deal. It was their best shot at justice. As the phone rang he thought back to the time he had to reveal her relationship with her sponsor in open court, her life and it's very intimate details open for everyone to see. He remembered the devastated look she had and he promised to himself that he wouldn't do that to her again.

"Rollins" Amanda's voice answered in automatic greeting

"We've come to a deal..." Barba began as he explained what had transpired only a few minutes earlier. The Cuban lawyer described the evidence the defense brought to the table and he could tell it made her uncomfortable, even over the phone. He explained the deal he had made and the reason's behind his decisions "Rollins, this is our best chance at getting him... if this goes to trial he could walk off free..." he was cut off by Amanda. She could tell he wasn't happy with himself. That this was a bittersweet victory.

"Barba, thank you" she said and knew that it had caught him by surprise "I know you, and well everyone have been looking out for me. So thank you for making him pay for what he's done to me, and for not making me go to trial"

"You're welcome Rollins" Barba was able to get out before their conversation ended. He gave a sigh of relief, at least she seemed happy about the outcome; but how would the others react?

* * *

"What the fuck is this Barba!" Fin yelled at the smaller Cuban man before him. To his credit the prosecutor didn't even blink at the strong language directed at him, he was expecting it actually "Amanda's one of our own, and all you can do for her is this piece of crap deal?! Did you even try to get him to do time..." he was about to continue until the Captain cut in

"Now Fin that's enough, you know better than that" Cragen chided his detective. Cragen looked around his office to make eye contact with Barba, Olivia, Amaro, and finally Amanda. The group had been called back to the squad room not long after Amanda had gotten off the phone with Barba. She knew it was going to be about the deal that was made, but she didn't want to be the one to explain. Now she felt bad for leaving Barba to carry that burden on his own.

"Come on" Amaro jumped in with frustration, but with a much calmer tone than Fin "six months of house arrest, we'll be lucky if the bastard even does three"

"Guy's the most import thing is that he has been convicted of Rape, and will be on the registry for life" Olivia tried to be the voice of reason "I'm sure he did the best he could"

"Are you alright with this Manda?" Fin asked his partner

"Actually, yes. I'm very pleased with this out come" Amanda said as she shifted from foot to foot do to having everyone's attention on herself "I was terrified about taking the stand, and well... I'm not the most perfect vic..." she struggled slightly with the word "victim with my history of transgressions, but at least now he will pay for the rest of his life, it will always be on his record"

"If you're good with this then so am I" Fin said with a sigh. He only wanted her to be happy.

"Okay guys back to work, we still have perps to catch... but tonight drinks are on me" he said with a smile as he ushered them out of his office

"But Cap, you don't drink" Olivia said as she stepped out the door, she planned to take Amanda back to her apartment since they both still had the day off

"That still doesn't mean that I can't buy" Cragen offered "Amanda a moment" he added to make sure that the young blonde wouldn't leave just yet. He waited until they were alone before he started speaking again "Amanda, I know that these last few days have been rough on you" he began and he could tell that the young blonde before him had a feeling where this conversation was heading "I am going to make speaking to a councilor mandatory, at least for now, for your continued employment here"

"Sir, Please" Amanda began to beg "I don't need that, it's over with"

"No Rollins it's not over with, not for your healing" he said strongly, this was something that he wasn't going to back down on "I want you to thrive again, and you can't do that unless you move on, and I don't mean by burying it deep within yourself as you have done in the past. The pain will just continue to fester to the surface like it did last time. Have you ever considered that your self destructive tendencies might stem from the first time Paton raped you?"

"I uh..." She didn't have a response for that

"Amanda talking to a counselor doesn't make you weak, it makes you human" Cragen said with a soft smile as he leaned back against his seat "asking for help... now that takes strength. Strength that I didn't have when I was your age" Amanda nodded slowly from his words looking at the floor "you can come back to work after you have your first appointment and the doctor says its alright for you to do so, okay Rollins?"

"Yes sir" she responded quickly and raised her eyes to meet his "and thank you sir... for everything"

After leaving Cragen's office Amanda was still thinking about his words. Her mind was replaying their conversation as she headed for Olivia to return to the elder woman's apartment "strength" she whispered to herself

"What?" the elder woman asked not hearing what the younger detective had said

"Oh... um nothing" Amanda responded but then she suddenly stopped walking and caused Olivia to turn around in order to look at her "actually no, there is something... Liv, were you serious about letting me stay with you, I mean I really don't want to go back to my place" Olivia looked shocked and Amanda instantly began back pedaling "but I can deal it's not a problem, I can get over it"

"No, no Amanda" Olivia answered in a rush "I want you to stay with me, I'm just surprised that you asked..." Olivia smiled "it's the first time you voluntarily asked for help, and I'm just happy... proud, and well honored"

"Don't get too sappy, Liv" Amanda joked as they finally reached Olivia's car "lets just go home and rest up before we go and celibate with the guys tonight"

"Yes, that sounds like a great idea... lets head home"

 **A/N: This is the last chapter :) I hope you all enjoyed reading it. I never planned for it to be this long or drawn out but I also didn't want to rush it. I guess estimating length is not my forte lol. Thanks for reading and sticking through with the story, it has been a hectic updating schedule.**


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